J Grea$y

When someone says "come see my chocolate lab", you're either going to their willy wonka-esque chocolate factory or to see their dog Truly a win win situation

@wizard_panties Assuming you're Grumpy in this fantasy?

We up in the gym Forgot deodorant and Smelling like garlic - jg

Oh you like jesus? Name 10 of his commandments

My neck my back was ahead of its time

Schvitzen - the lesser known jewish reindeer

Middleaged man in a lil hatchback thumping venga boys down kingsville backstreets 🫡

One for the ladies: instead of getting your period, would it be preferable to lay an egg like a chicken?

Me after I try a pasta but it's still a little too al dente

Hands dripping with aphid blood

Just had a life changing orange (blood)

Gonna name my kid Mausoleum, Liam for short

Just saw a bat fly across the full moon and instantly got hard

christians remembering the death of their god every year:

JK Rowling on her first day at Hogwarts: "Sorry professor McGonagall, you teach WHATfiguration??"

Brunettes be drinking wine

Death like the sun cannot be looked at steadily, like are you kidding me François de la Rochefoucauld???

Philosophers got some bars fr

@mittens19971 Recently vomed from a bite of plane bolognese and I've never been the same

I just have one question. Is it really necessary for you to eat a warm plane meal on a 2 hour flight, or can you maybe just go 2 hours without food and spare me the beef smell ?

B-B-B-Benny and the Gesserits