Delicate Baby Husband

Going on Craigslist and listing my body as a kennel for other peoples tapeworms while they’re on vacation

@emilynichter @sarahbethbudd So you want to learn how to eat fried worms, kid

Nobody eats fried worms anymore

My gravestone is gonna say “if it’s fermented, it’s splendid!”

Guy who refers to throwing up as “taking a trip to Upchuck County”

“We’re going cordless!” Scientists Create First Bluetooth Umbilical Cord

The moment I saw all that grass after the snow melted, I put on my shoes and got right to grazing

Saying grace before getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist

Microdosing paleontology by scooping my cat’s litter box

Looks delicious

@freannabarnam We’re on the same page 🥰

@Hannah_Budd Morning affirmations ❤️

I sing this to myself in the mirror every morning

Fuck…. You guys…. Uh, we have turn around- I forgot my smile at home

I want to get an allergy skin prick test again; I think I’d be able to appreciate it more than I did at 6 years old I feel like relearning my allergies would give me the same thrill I had when I did my birth chart for the first time

Good grief! It’s giving thumb sucker! Everyone is gonna think I suck my thumb! I gave that up years ago! You’ve got to believe me! I’m not lying!

@murphyjerky Happy to help! Have a happy No Flush!

@Hannah_Budd Getting inspired !!!!

This would be good and aesthetic for No Flush February

Ghost Busters but it’s just a bunch of deceased guys named Buster who are all friends and hang out and play cards

Pokémon Brisket and Ribs are to be released in 2024

Talk about agony core…. Cheer up brother, it’s Friday