Sarah Beth

Non Catholics will eat a burger today and not tomorrow

Gonna start telling people at the bar that they remind me a lot of myself

So Ton, the rules are that the driver and passenger compete in spottin a car with one headlight missin or broken. You gotta be the first to spot the car, then say “spadoodle “as fast as ya can. It’s a competition.

@Hannah_Budd Too far

Going on Craigslist and listing my body as a kennel for other peoples tapeworms while they’re on vacation

@emilynichter @Hannah_Budd The 6th is more worms

Nobody eats fried worms anymore

Once knew a guy who ran with scissors, they locked him up for life.

My buddy just got back from coding Boot Camp. He’s ripped.

At the end of the day I believe that avocado toast was the start of the pandemic

@Hannah_Budd Cookie Monster mars

Tinker Bell sun Betty Boop rising Grumpy 1/7 of the Seven Dwarves Moon Tweety Bird venus

The Husbands and the Wives are plotting war against each other. It’s your time to choose sides.

Every local gig has a guy decked out in pizza patterned clothing

@jardsmard Sounds like a set up

Man describing broccoli to somebody who has never had it

@shakybrakes @lee_cleaveland

in the sandlot (1993) why is scotty’s hat so fuckin big and how did i never notice it before. my man has a whole umbrella on his head.

Who names their kid Humpty Dumpty???

They should have a succession character named Roy Roy

@shakybrakes I would too

@sarahbethbudd I’d do pull tabs between classes

If I were president I would put lottery ticket machines in every school

@jardsmard Did your garage take this pic

my house is bigger than me but i'm tougher.