Henry 3000

Stop just lying there staring blankly at the ceiling. You know exactly where it all went wrong.

@doyenmxn This is the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups of fetish fulfillment.

best thing I’ve spent my money on

riding my bmx bike down the street i slowly glance down at my chain wallet, smile & think to myself, “ain’t nobody gettin’ their hands on my six dollars.”

Fuck quotation marks “Fuck”

The great majority of humanity unknowingly serves the dark one.

You sell your soul in little pieces day after day, not in some dramatic contract signing written in blood.

The job of the box set is to protect the books. The box set doesn't care if you read the books. In fact, the box set would prefer that you move along.

After discovering skywriter charged by the word, I went with, “be wife y/n”

working from home again would lower oil prices

sad most dudes today won’t know the joy of making a photocopy of their ass

don’t give up hope the aliens may finally abduct you tonight

unclench your hands and then offer your prayer

The Modern Lovers - The Modern Lovers (1976) 0:00 Roadrunner 4:05 Astral Plane 7:07 Old World 11:11 Pablo Picasso 15:32 I'm Straight 19:50 Dignified and Old 22:20 She Cracked 25:16 Hospital 30:52 Someone I Care About 34:31 Girl Friend 38:26 Modern World 42:10 Government Center

the dinosaur looks up in the sky & sees a meteor the size of the city of bakersfield about to hit the earth & the last thought that goes through his head is, “where’s bakersfield?”

I'm living proof nice guys don't finish last. I'm not nice at all.

seeing the big picture requires you to take a step back and survey the entire scene

sorry I trashed your Airbnb it was my birthday

No, your dark place sounds so much better. Let's go.

Epstein is evil Forrest Gump.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by that guy who sells nunchucks out of a wagon.

of course I want to make a difference in life, but isn’t that a lot of work?