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Ode to a Distant God
Oh muse, may I ask you
To sing of lamentations,
And the aching of my heart,
Of wrath ‘tis red and burning,
And black hatred without start.
Whisper solemn moments
Tender love I know in passing,
All sweet rhythms, chords, and bars,
Of a God who’s cold and distant,
The very night between the stars.
Is it distance that I
Must mutter towards this night?
Emptiness I hear aloud,
When it is His name I hear them shout;
For me neither flame nor cloud.
On this path I walk along
I started hurting long ago,
Resentful I curse His name,
With black bile born of suffering,
Yet I love Him all the same.
His hand I know is there
For the moment that I fall.
Is my home amongst the mud?
Alone I would drown in darkness,
Yet for me He spilt his blood.
Vile man I know I am
To hate my exalted maker,
But when I gaze into a mirror,
Eyes open a window to my heart,
It is my soul I view in terror.
Why God must loneliness
Torture me every hour?
I thought if I spoke aloud…
No, somewhere I mastered this gift,
To feel alone amongst the crowd.
I fear no one will miss
My life upon curtain call.
Sadness will run its dreary course,
But is there a single life I touched,
That will hurt with true remorse?
God will you take me home
As broken as I am?
Please, I promise I won’t tell,
If you’ve set aside a corner in Heaven,
Because my mind entreats in Hell.
My God, all I wanted,
All I wanted was a love,
To share without added tears,
To grant a bliss and joy and peace,
For those I hold most dear.
I despair to ever feel
Those happy blessing for myself,
A soul that drips with caustic hate,
No recourse alone to make,
I have fully earned my fate.
So on my lips I cry
Oh God, my God, my Father!
Once more into blackest inky night,
I continue on this lonely march,
Once more searching for Your light.

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