J. Daniel Shepherd

@LittleMissLizz I’ve held off on liking that tweet because, pinned tweet or no, it felt kinda creepy to like a years-old tweet of yours, and I’m off-putting enough already. May the 4th be with you!

@angel_0f_deathx All glory to the underboob!

@alexxistexxxas You share a birthday with my dad! Hope it’s been a great one!

It is my birthday. Help me celebrate

@LittleMissLizz I start each day with an audio affirmation. My wake up alarm is the bit from the Deadpool rap that says, “sexy motherfucker” on a loop.

“Good girl”, I sensually whisper to myself each morning as I take my little anti-anxiety pill. Positive reinforcement is so important.

@AllisonRFloyd Oof. Sorry to hear. Recovering okay? In my defense, I wasn’t going to give lessons to YOU. 😁

@JDanielShepherd Too soon. I was recently concussed.

New rule, anyone who shows up in my mentions with the bug up their bum just wanting to argue has to pay. Twenty bucks for an argument. Venmo link in bio. Monty Python was onto something.

@AllisonRFloyd One of my pastor’s kids had done a module on Canada in one of his classes and the teacher let students order in some Canada-exclusive snack foods to sample. Shipped in, a half-sized bag was like $15. I got to try 1 chip…and it was everything I’d hoped it could be.

@JDanielShepherd Lay’s, but I’m with you I’m all about the RUFFLES with RIDGES.

I am American in the United States and I have finally gotten to purchase and try All Dressed potato chips, which I have never previously seen anywhere in any store, because like Crush Cream Soda, they have always been exclusively Canadian. They’re magnificent.

@nomodeath “There’s a line. Take a number.”

I need a nonchalant response to “I hate you”

@angel_0f_deathx Even if I lose I win.

We should wrestle

Nissan Al Gaib! (Screenshot this shit because it's my very last Twitter post)

Just found out my sweet childhood dog passed away today. Rest in peace, angel.

We must protect @heyyguido and @angel_0f_deathx

@heyyguido Then I’d punch them, because I’m also mean.

Yes I’m ugly not stupid jeez

@LittleMissLizz And here I am in my office trying like hell to not mist up.

I can’t remember the last time a video made me cry this hard.

Hey there 😏 be my chubby lover?

@alexxistexxxas 6 all the way.

Which one am I? 🤔

@heyyguido This is how I am with cats. My two super seniors (18 and 17 years old respectively) would never forgive me if I brought more cats into the house. The dream is to one day live like Enya…become wealthy and buy a castle for myself and have an absolute shitload of cats.

Me as I head over to help take out dogs from a hoarding case at the shelter. “You can’t afford to rescue a dog right now!” “You can’t afford to rescue a dog right now!” “You can’t afford to rescue a dog right now!”

@alexxistexxxas I personally don’t but I sent you a DM on OF with a couple names of people who might be able to help.