Jacob E. Hunziker

@UrinatingTree And he spits in their face as they burn. 😂

Every time Mitch Marner scores a goal in the playoffs, a Leafs fan is banished to hockey hell.

@UrinatingTree So much for my bracket. 😑 “tHeY wErE cLoSe BuT nEvEr ClOsE eNoUgH.” 😑

@UrinatingTree Resting starters is a double-edged sword. You risk injury to keep them in games that don’t mean anything, but TOO MUCH time off has a history of hurting this core of players (see Bruins, Boston 2013 Conference Finals). They started slow and got in the 0-3 hole. Hard to overcome.

Some basic thoughts on the Penguins: - I think Malkin gets brought back for one season. He fills the Sergei Gonchar/Jiri Hrdina mentor role for the younger Russians, even if his skills fade. Perhaps a two year deal, but the second year can be bought out if all goes to shit. - Letang needs a Come to Jesus talk. He was an absolute liability for long stretches of time, even if he was respectable for the final three games of the series. He's trying to play like it's 2016, yet doesn't have anywhere near the athleticism to compensate these days. It's like Polamalu's last season with the Steelers: Just sad. Either he has to change his game to a more reserved style or he's getting a one-way ticket to Robidas Island. Extreme, but shit's dire with him. Thanks for making his last two years buyout-proof, Hextall... - Anthony Mantha can get his bag elsewhere. Let the Kraken sign him to a six by five or something. - Clifton and Dumba, thanks for the second round picks, but there's the door - What happens with the rest of the defense? Do Karlsson and Wotherspoon get traded at peak value? It's obvious it needs overhauled to hell and back, but how much does? - I'd love Connor Dewar and Ryan Shea back, but they're the kind of guys that get drastically overpaid on the FA market. Young enough to not fall to shit, but the fear of Ryan Graves lingers... - Speaking of Graves? Might be time to buy him out. It's a bust. - Noel Acciari might be a casualty due to his age and a bunch of younger guys knocking on the door (Tristan Broz) - I'm hoping Ben Kindel's hurt, because the dude was invisible on the ice most of April - Resting the starters after clinching home ice fucked the Pens in the end. It sapped them of momentum which took them too late to get back. - What happens with the vets? Do the Pens still try to go another year with the old core or start shifting to younger guys? Jason Robertson and Robert Thomas might be for the taking. Do they strike or feel the price is too rich? The Pens can take this offseason in a bunch of different directions. I'm interested to see which path they take.

@UrinatingTree It’s a painful way for the Big Three to probably go out, but it’s a business. It’s inevitable. Frankly, I’m glad they didn’t get swept. They made it interesting. That’s something to cling to when I cry myself to sleep tonight.

Good season for the Pens, but they were done the moment they went down 3-0. Can't come back from that shit. Made too many mistakes and Philly simply waited for them to fuck up. Also Anthony Mantha's going to get a bag, I'm going to be happy for him, but good lord... that was atrocious, man.

If it’s the final time, it’ll hurt, but it’s been one heckuva ride the last 20+ years.

@PenguinsJesus ↙️↙️↙️↙️

Vibe check, how are we doing out there?

@UrinatingTree Excuse me while I go jump off my balcony.

Penguins are 5-17 in their last 22 playoff games. Pirates are 1-4 in their last 5 playoff games. Steelers are winless in the playoffs since the 2016 season. Woof.

@jmarshfof Who would you put with Letang, if you were the coach?

That shift encapsulates what the horrors of a Letang/Girard pairing. Dumped pucks to no one, high danger passes at the offensive blue line, and flubbed zone entries.

@UrinatingTree Cursed? They’re brand new this year.

This shitty performance was because we wore the pure yellow unis. They are cursed.

@elonmusk We know Musk takes this statement personally with his 27 children. 😂 When God said, “Go forth and populate the world,” he took that as a challenge.

Children are the future

Best place to be: playoff hockey!

@UrinatingTree In THIS economy???!

The Pens have won TWO shootouts in a row?!?!?!?!?!?!

@UrinatingTree February 10th, 2001: that’s the last time the @penguins came back from down 3-0 without Sid or Geno. Amazing stuff!

That's what I call a win...

@UrinatingTree What the hell is he talking about? *checks NHL scores* Blew a 4-0 lead in the third period, eh? Yep. Jackets gonna Jacket.

The Blue Jackets. That is all.

@UrinatingTree Don’t worry, Jason Robertson will help when Dubas trades for him.

This sucks.

@UrinatingTree I am curious to see what insane trade the Avs are about to pull off that they’re dumping cap, while thriving in the standings the way they’ve been.

Girard's got a shitload of talent that could thrive in the right situation. I actually kinda like this deal... minus the increasing chaos that'll happen on defense lol.

@penguins I’m sorry, what now? WOAH!

The Penguins have acquired defenseman Samuel Girard and a 2028 second-round pick from the Avalanche in exchange for Brett Kulak. Details: pens.pe/4ubEvPh

Very accurate today.

@AnnieAgar Bleach looks very appealing right about now. That’s how I feel.

steelers fans how are you feelin?