Jade Hoy

If you leave a dog in your car I will find you and I will strike you down.

Did Tony Romo put on a Peyton Manning jersey tonight. #SuperBowl #SB48

That Doritos kid should have been grounded for forever.

Happy Halloween! But more importantly, all the candy goes on sale tomorrow :D yay!

When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, "no one cares."

Someone's doorknob was stolen during a party. A few days later, it was returned with this apology note. funni.ly/1b2Fl3l

A guy backstage at the #Emmys just told me where they get the gold statues. Fracking. The soil of Western PA is lousy with 'em.

When I was a kid I liked my Jack in the Box...But now I prefer my Jack in the Bottle.

"I pride myself on my decisiveness. If I ever lost my ability to instantly know my next course of action, I don't know what I'd do." 11:30p

I've done a few things I've been ashamed of, but at least I never played FarmVille.

I would like to thank Tetris for providing me w/ the skills to jam as many dishes as possible in my dishwasher.

I would have dick kicked this guy on the new episode of #catfish

@TACOinFLORIDA02 where's my sugar cookies at then?!

(315): It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.

She's had like 12 boyfriends in the past year. I think it's about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called, "Maybe I'm The Problem".

RT this if there any fan interest in a stepbrother's sequel ?

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.

Cockroaches are evolving to avoid human traps. Great. t.treehugger.com/treehugger/#!/…

@TACOinFLORIDA02 you're watching this too?! Glad I'm not the only #animalplanet #nerd

Skipped the movies to watch #mermaids. Totally a believer!