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To Say Goodbye Again
By Jac Winters
October 7, 2017
You lost them all in a blink, left
standing, not knowing what to think.
The only one left—it just isn’t fair,
your mind heavy with the burden.
“I’ll lift it, dear child, it’s not yours to share.”
You want to take their place, just
so, in transition, you can see their face.
That’s not in God’s plan; He never made you
strong enough to bear the weight,
even though you think you can.
They’re all gone, and here you stand,
with begging eyes lifted skyward, wishing.
Rain crashing down to the ground,
your mind plays tricks—they’ll be there,
just turn around.
Your stomach aching from what you miss,
with a southern drawl you hear in the tree,
a serpent slither and crawl:
“They’ve left the poor boy, no medicine will fix this,”
he said with a sly hiss.
Heart heavy, soul lost, spirit worn,
no need to worry, my child, they’re not so far,
even though you think they are.
In this life, you feel so mixed up,
it doles out so much, it runneth over… that cup.
In this life, you’re tossed about,
you want to be stronger, you think someday
you’d have more clout.
In this life, we’re left feeling empty,
maybe it’s the feeling the reaper left
after his swift, cold entry.
We want to put it all back in place,
hide the yoke of loneliness,
even though to others our sadness
shows upon our face.
I want to say goodbye again—oh,
please, with tears streaming down my stark face.
I want… to say hello again?
No! I want to say goodbye again,
because we know it has to end.
Time is our enemy, not our friend.
To my good friends who took their life,
they were so empty, there was nothing left.
Just a “hole” where He built “you” one day,
and in it placed all your parts,
one of them was a soul.
Dear God, I pray, let me see them one more time,
to walk through those big wooden doors
when the church bell chimes.
My arms long to hold them, hug them,
love them, see them play in the grass,
just to have that one last chance to get my fill,
to see them all together in one special place.
With joy, I would shout, I would spin—what a thrill!
But when you say goodbye one time,
it cripples even the strongest of man.
I’ve made you sturdy enough for one such blow as this,
so even if you prayed with all your might
to have one more dinner at candlelight,
another boat ride or paraglide,
to live, to laugh, to cry with all of them by your side.
Even if you mustered all your strength,
or conjured up every ounce of will to pull you through,
to say goodbye again would kill you.
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