Jacob Corsaro

909 posts

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Jacob Corsaro

Jacob Corsaro

@JacobCorsaro

Paul Blart: Heart Throb

Katılım Ocak 2018
235 Takip Edilen131 Takipçiler
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Kinda sucks how the ONE YEAR I have a date to Toyotathon it gets cancelled ://
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Here’s what we know: •A woman says “I need 6 eggs” •A man responds “that’s too expensive” •Gaston later recounts “when I was a lad I ate 4 dozen eggs every morning to help me get large” •He goes on to explain he now has 5 dozen/day Gaston is HOARDING eggs and driving up cost
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
What’s the best way to approach a woman I don’t know well? (For context, the woman is Bryce Dallas Howard and I want to see if she’ll go halvsies on a Taco Bell franchise with me)
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Ayyy Giuseppe! What happened? You got in a rumble with Punocello’s kid? He beat yourface into a bolognese. Grab some marinara ice from the freezer and put it on your eye—caspita!
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Mike’s face gets covered by a Q-Anon “Q” and he’s thrilled to be in the papers I wouldn’t bother with this one folks
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Oh boy—I’m being told the climax of the movie comes when Sully makes an impassioned case that “Corporations should have the same rights as Monsters” Feels like there is a heavy handed influence on the story line
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Devestated to announce the third installment in the Monsters Inc franchise will feature Mike and Sully as lobbyists schmoozing with Monstropolis politicians (spoiler Randall is the Majority Leader). Working title is “Mongressional Gridlock” Look, I’m as bummed as you are
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
The person cutting my hair spent the whole time complimenting my curls and then?? decided to?? cut them all off???
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Mhm. Likely story—well too little too late pal!!
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Tired of women only liking me for my new wireless MagSafe car charger (Practicing this for when it is inevitably going to dominate my relationships)
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
I am, unfortunately, going through my LMFAO phase in present day. Asking for privacy at this time.
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Just saw a commercial for Nevada—guess I’ll go there
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
Sorry, Disney’s “Brave” but Luca has the best hair in Disney/Pixar history (unbiased opinion)
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
YOU SHOULD BE UPSET THAT I HAD A LAUGH WITH HER!!! -Me after the Wendy’s manager reprimands me for drawing a mustache on the logo’s face
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Jacob Corsaro
Jacob Corsaro@JacobCorsaro·
When I get invited on a 48 month cruise
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