Adam Lane Smith | The Attachment Specialist@AdamLaneSmith
New research indicates that fathers build bonds best with their children (and craft secure attachment in them) by "destablizing the child" in a "safe environment. Fathers in the study had a unique ability to make their children laugh and therefore create more perceived safety for the child which led to stronger attachment. Mothers made children feel safe too, usually with repetition and soothing, but the laughing and playing did not make the children as attached as it did when fathers performed it.
Several things jump out from this at me:
First, a father who is relaxed enough to laugh and play indicates a safe environment. Fathers are biologically the providers of safety, so if dad is relaxed, the world must truly be safe. Children may be picking up on this.
Second, being worthy of a father's time and attention is a huge marker for kids. A father's attention may actually mean more in many cases, as we've seen in other studies. The bond with mom is equally as important, but sometimes the bond with mom is taken for granted, where the bond with dad is taken as remarkable due to perceived other demands on his time.
What this means: Dads, you've got to be playing with your kids. As silly and disruptive as possible. They need this from you. It's one of the strongest ways they can bond to you.
More about the research: psypost.org/laughter-plays…
