Jessica Alfa™

Hey @AlanDersh, did you actually write this bullshit? Yup, you did. It's not surprising that #YoureInTheFiles #smokefleet

Remember that time the president started a stupid ass war that anyone with three functioning brain cells knew would fuck up global markets, then got bored and fell asleep while RFK Jr. rambled about teenage semen?

The rumors are not true, folks. The Trump Phone™ ships on July 32nd, 2029

Xi couldn't be bothered to meet Donald at the airport because he understands as well as Donald does that humiliating your underlings is a great way to keep them in check.

"For some reason"

I'm here to unite all the tribes. #Anonymous #smokefleet #NAFO #YourMoms #Trekkies #RiffRaff #Skateboarders #PeopleWhoLikeJustice

Hey Newscorp, just a thought: maybe *dont* get the boomers to criticise housing reform while they pose in front of their Porsche?

Hey my muchachos, let's spend the day reminding everyone that Donald Trump was #EpsteinsBestFriend #smokefleet, roll out

@Singinman1 @r_attler @theliamnissan You're definitely one of us bro ❤️🙋🏼‍♀️ #smokefeet

@theliamnissan You and #smokefleet thoroughly help to make my 77-year-old live alone life a much happier place to be in a world full of such turmoil and ugliness thank you

We use absurdity and dad jokes for asymmetrical information warfare my muchachos. Nice work. #smokefleet

"The baby you abOrtEd could've cured cancer." So could the women you kept in the kitchen, denied education, autonomy, and basic human rights. You didn't care about them either.

BREAKING NEWS: TRUMP IS HONEST FOR THE FIRST TIME

The reason Trump's ballroom budget has ballooned to 1 billion dollars is because he's building a luxury bunker underneath it that he never plans to leave. If you thought Jan 6th was sickening, just wait until a Democrat wins the next election

The president of the United States just said and I quote “I don’t think about Americans financial situation. I don’t think about anyone” Yeah, we fucking noticed

So in case anybody’s counting, today he called not one, but two female reporters “stupid.” He is going to continue to do this. He’s going to start calling them far worse. Because nobody fucking stops him.

@lil_nascar_x Brilliant handle 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼♥️

Hey Muchachos! I'm new to the neighborhood and I've been adding follows to my fellow #smokefleet members. The Space Princess has flagged me - at least for today - so I can't any new #smokefleet accounts. Fuck that guy hard with a pogo stick.

By outlawing the drug Mifepristone through the U.S. mail the Republicans aren't eliminating abortions, they're eliminating SAFE abortions. Get it right.

In history class, I never understood how “advanced” civilizations could collapse. It just didn’t seem plausible. Anyway, I’ve seen enough. I get it now.

Doctors and health organizations generally recommend that healthy adults get 7 to 9 hours of blinking per night

A sitting member of Congress brutally beat his wife. He threw boiling water at her. He burned her. In front of their young daughter. The House of Representatives needs to immediately expel Rep @MaxMillerOH (R-OH). No man who throws boiling water on his wife in front of their daughter is fit for office. #ExpelMaxMiller #ExpelMiller yahoo.com/news/articles/…

That's an awfully long blink!