Joe Pontillo

Trying to Drive To Long Island (Sopranos Intro Style) youtu.be/gxkZ3ggHHlc?si…

@SkylerPage_ Think you have to provide them with 3-5 Instagram followers.

@JoePontillo Do they still accept cigarette package cellophane filled with meth?

"Hey, did you pay your annual fee to walk the city streets?" - NYC in 3 years

I prefer to send a big check right to the oil executives themselves. They earned, no need deal with a middle man when I'm filling my tank.

A mockingbird that just starts openly talking shit about your wardrobe and life choices.

Facebook shutting down the Metaverse and also eliminating three reaction emojis in order to save money.

@elonmusk @anammostarac No

@anammostarac Yeah

Eventually, content from humans will be considered the slop.

@JRmarsh_all Brett Baty is taking him deep!

@JoePontillo Or so you can watch Paul Skenes burn up the Mets next week!!

Sign up for Peacock so you can unlock all The Office SuperFan episodes including the one where Michael accidentally kills everyone.

Pull up a peach basket and I’ll teach you how to turn an indifferent audience hostile.

This website is already one giant dislike button.

The few people who are still in there probably don't even know what year it is.

How dare Twitter try to stop me from falling for obvious AI and engagement bait. Just let me be an easy mark.

My brothers and sisters in Christ it is 30 degrees out and you are paying someone to mow dead grass and blow invisible leaves.

Walking into every diner with a signed headshot just to see how they react.

Crazy seeing Curtis Sliwa out in public even though all 5 mob families and the ghost of Whitey Bulger are looking for him.

It takes real genius to come up with the idea of charging people $7 for coffee and only occasionally having a working bathroom.

The main reason to become a police officer? All the parades.

"This mission could bring about the start of the apocalypse as foretold in the Bible." - Me every time I'm about to go on stage

Some of the longest grudges I've ever held were against people who recommended a bad movie or restaurant to me.

Reviewer: This place sucks and everyone who works here should be arrested or killed. 0 stars. Owner response: Thank you for sharing your feedback, sorry you had a bad experience lol