Johnny T 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Narcissists, psychopaths, coercive controllers use a tactic I refer to as “reverse attribution” to get away with harming people. They universally claim that their victim did the ‘bad’ things that they did. They usually make this claim before the victim does. So when the victim finally makes the same claims of them being hurt by the human predator, no one knows what’s going on. It’s confusing for people observing and while they may initially try and understand they eventually lose interest. At worst, the victim is seen as the aggressor or perpetrator which is heartbreakingly distressing after they are the one that has been harmed. Another outcome is that the victim is always tainted with being part of a drama. Some people refer to this as projection. It is not projection which is where a person unconsciously projects their own uncomfortable feelings to another. Human predators know exactly what they are doing and they do it strategically to further harm another person and so as they are not held to account. It is sometimes referred to as DARVO which stands for deny, attack, reverse victim offender. Reverse victim offender is what I call reverse attribution.

Survivors of narcissistic abuse often carry a level of anger or rage for what their abusers did to them that feels overwhelming, explosive, and incredibly painful to carry and contain and it can feel like that anger and that pain will never go away. But this anger is actually a deeply healthy and intelligent response to being chronically violated and is part of the healing process. Narcissists attack a person’s dignity, safety, identity, and stability for years. They steal reality, twist intention, and dismantle a survivor’s sense of self. Anger shows up because the body finally recognizes, “What happened to me was a severe violation of my humanity.” Processing this anger isn’t about suppressing it or “forgiving” the abuser—it’s about giving yourself the justice, validation, and internal protection you never received. Cont.

Increasingly clear that episcopal leadership in the Church of England is in meltdown and that the Bench is too weak, faithless and corrupt to do anything. CNCs aren’t working, the ‘senior leadership’ system isn’t working, the culture is moribund. The people of God deserve better.