Houmous

Apparently I'm in today's Domestic Sluttery. I really have to stop organising photoshoots when I've been drinking... #Page3Dip #GoodSpread twitter.com/SlutteryHQ/sta…

Poll results suggest eating Salsa and Tortilla crisps at 7am isn't that much of a problem apparently. Noted.

You can get rid of one group of people. Somehow, at 7:18, I've met all 3 already this morning. WHO EATS SALSA AND CHIPS AT 7AM??? #Poll #PeopleAreTheWorst

I do enjoy my fancy alter-egos. Sweet chilli & roasted red pepper make me feel classy. But I draw the line at having chocolate put in me. Please stop that. #NotThisDip #Lunchtime

Remember kids, follow Eurovision guidelines and don't do drugs... #Eurovision2021 #AddictedToDip

So the Dutch have written a Eurovision song about Broccoli. Who's going to write a Eurovision 2022 songs about me? I'm open to offers!!! #Eurovision2021 #bbceurovision #PlayJaJaDingDong

There have to be rules for dips. Etiquette is exceptionally important. (And if you're a double dipper, you deserve whatever torture comes your way) #NoToDoubleDippers #RespectTheDips bonappetit.com/columns/the-fo…

@SwaggyPhan0 @hamishdownie @Tessicat @thehorrorchick @HamishCalvert @FilmMomatic @HowardGorman @helsy33 @Han_So @henrygolding @realHenryB @buntyhoven @HoltMcCallany @HayleyARoberts @ms_mjolnir @sxmxr1983 @hperryhorton @Harrisonthorne9 @harveyputtock I haven't got any Dhips - although my lack of bones and relatively high liquid content does make wiggling like that significantly easier...

@JustSomeHoumous @hamishdownie @Tessicat @thehorrorchick @HamishCalvert @FilmMomatic @HowardGorman @helsy33 @Han_So @henrygolding @realHenryB @buntyhoven @HoltMcCallany @HayleyARoberts @ms_mjolnir @sxmxr1983 @hperryhorton @Harrisonthorne9 @harveyputtock Can we pronounce it “DHips” please??

@hamishdownie @Tessicat @thehorrorchick @HamishCalvert @FilmMomatic @HowardGorman @helsy33 @Han_So @henrygolding @realHenryB @buntyhoven @HoltMcCallany @HayleyARoberts @ms_mjolnir @SwaggyPhan0 @sxmxr1983 @hperryhorton @Harrisonthorne9 @harveyputtock We should have a H party. I can bring the dips!

@Tessicat @thehorrorchick @HamishCalvert @FilmMomatic @HowardGorman @helsy33 @Han_So @henrygolding @realHenryB @buntyhoven @HoltMcCallany @HayleyARoberts @ms_mjolnir @JustSomeHoumous @SwaggyPhan0 @sxmxr1983 @hperryhorton @Harrisonthorne9 @harveyputtock Thank you so much! Hello one and all!

@Tessicat @thehorrorchick @hamishdownie @HamishCalvert @FilmMomatic @HowardGorman @helsy33 @Han_So @henrygolding @realHenryB @buntyhoven @HoltMcCallany @HayleyARoberts @ms_mjolnir @SwaggyPhan0 @sxmxr1983 @hperryhorton @Harrisonthorne9 @harveyputtock It's all about the H...

In my version of the song, Billy Joel asks the Piano Man to hum. #WereAllInTheMoodForAMelody

@Tessicat @DefendtheUnique @djcopio @____MSC___ @BigShrugger @inkypage @pslyates @EmbobEast @blakemon1 @caz_artwork @FPL_Charlie @RickyLeeBenj @preachzilla @slylingual24 @Certifiedscotty I suggest you work on your aim. Next time I'm sure you'll hit! ;-)

@Tessicat @DefendtheUnique @djcopio @____MSC___ @BigShrugger @inkypage @pslyates @EmbobEast @blakemon1 @caz_artwork @FPL_Charlie @RickyLeeBenj @preachzilla @slylingual24 @Certifiedscotty Whilst I'm talking with my marketing team, I'm going to ask them why we haven't done any work on GIFs...

@djcopio @Tessicat @____MSC___ @DefendtheUnique @BigShrugger @inkypage @pslyates @EmbobEast @blakemon1 @caz_artwork @FPL_Charlie @RickyLeeBenj @preachzilla @slylingual24 @Certifiedscotty They don't know???? I need to get onto my marketing team!!

@Tessicat @JustSomeHoumous @____MSC___ @DefendtheUnique @BigShrugger @inkypage @pslyates @EmbobEast @blakemon1 @caz_artwork @FPL_Charlie @RickyLeeBenj @preachzilla @slylingual24 @Certifiedscotty What happens May 21st?

@CarrotsRFalling My tubs need to get stretching for those bad boys...

Big carrot energy 🥕💪

I was asked if I would attend this photoshoot before they asked @HeinzUK to provide baked beans. That's just the badness. I feel pleased with my life choices at the moment... #NoNoNo

Sorry for the delay in tweeting! I was stuck in a box in Rotterdam, unable to make it across into the UK. Can't believe that a deal made a week before Brexit hadn't considered the plight of me!! #Houmous #Brexit

Sacked my twitter monkey, then realised I couldn't type to create a job advert for a new twitter monkey. So I had to rehire the old one. I apologise for this.

@Tessicat @FilmMomatic Yeah. Turns out you humans have sensitive hearts. It's like a weakness of yours. You could just pluck the hearts of your enemies and put them all in boxes and hide them under some floorboards of the police come round...