🔪 L.T. Vargus 🔪

"If you liked Silence of the Lambs, you'll love Dead End Girl..." -Amazon Reviewer Start reading the Violet Darger series today: mybook.to/dargerseries

The identical twins I nanny for just rolled their eyes up in their sockets until I could only see the whites and said 𝔴𝔢'𝔳𝔢 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔴𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔶𝔬𝔲 is that bad

Sorry I can’t hang out I’m busy circling all the things I want in the Oriental Trading Company catalog with a sharpie

Wario is the scariest guy I’ve ever seen in my life

you’re surrounded by shadow men from the black cube & that’s ok

Requesting Smack My Bitch Up at nana’s memorial service

Thinking about becoming a victorian governess who sighs wistfully at the thought of the rakish scoundrel who was lost at sea

your flame draws many moths, bro

We learned about dinosaurs in school for NO REASON

The jerk store called but I don’t know what they wanted because they didn’t leave a message

life is like a game of chess. I don't enjoy it very much

Getting so high that i forget how to pee

Hello Sharks. What if there was a Narcan for Taco Bell diarrhea?

i would rather touch razor blades at the bottom of the sink than wet food

First date idea: No

If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you walk by with a platter laden with cheeseburgers do we not robble-robble?

I think if they changed the name of New Year's Day to Eat Shrimp Until You Feel Bad Day I would have been more prepared for it

pass me the blankie bro

reading Ripley’s Believe it or Not on the train and shaking my head the whole time so they know I don’t

This year I plan to blame any of my questionable behavior on the moon

Big day for ibuprofen.