Derek Harper

@KyleMartini My dad once called me at drama practice to ask if I had the can opener. I think of this often

This is the 4th time that my brother has thrown our can opener into the trash can

The Indian restaurant has silence of the lambs playing on the tv so merry Christmas I guess?

@UnitedHayze @lexplayes You know that’s hers now, right?

I just came downstairs and found my daughter opening up Pokemon packs she found in my office and she pulls this… is it good?

Our alumni VE had an incredible time traveling through Europe on a Danube river cruise! They shared their love for music, performing in Budapest and on the ship, while also exploring cathedrals, castles, and historic cities. Congratulations to Derek on his engagement in Austria!

@KyleMartini This duck is the raid boss

See the fattest duck you've ever seen tweet, tweet the fattest duck you've ever seen (other beta ducks for size comparison)

Mark Mercer

@KyleMartini My king

Buzzer beater (thanks to @Life_Wit_Derek)

@Vinny Royyyy

Drop your sleepy dog pics, I’ll start 🙂

@KyleMartini The bdubs blues

Guts of steel and shits like battery acid.

@ReMARCableMe This is peak

My insurance apparently doesn't cover Hulk ripping my car in two and using it as improvised brass knuckles...

@lexplayes I don’t share this experience with other mothers on here, but feel free to message me if you want more info as a pharmacist. I see a lot of good comments on here and am glad you’re talking to your OB about it ❤️

This is kind of personal but I’m really weighing the pros and cons of starting lexapro while pregnant, I’m very very nervous to start. has anyone went through this?

@KyleMartini @ReMARCableMe #useful

@Life_Wit_Derek @ReMARCableMe We had computer lit...which was getting taught how to change the font in Microsoft Word before switching back to our pokemon emulator.

This tweet on Twitter and everyone replying are without a doubt the dumbest spoons on the face of the earth.

@ReMARCableMe @KyleMartini Didn’t we have media lit?

@KyleMartini This is why media literacy should be taught in schools.

@KyleMartini What book what boooook

I think I just had a book rip my insides apart

@KyleMartini @j_curnutte Maybe needs more sacrifices then

@Life_Wit_Derek @j_curnutte Yes but then immediately were eliminated from the playoffs... value of my soul to the football gods remain inconclusive

When I’m drunk I will not stop doing a Batman voice

@KyleMartini @j_curnutte Did they win

@j_curnutte Last time you were drunk around me you held me at fake gunpoint as a sacrifice for a bengals football win...

@lexplayes He’s just a baby!

Not spoiled at all

@KyleMartini You don’t have to go to Kansas for that. We have fire here

I want to light my bones on fire

@KyleMartini Terrible.

@Life_Wit_Derek Who else do I know that would send me geometry at 9am

I hate him so much