Lizzy Mortenson

I’m an Olympic athlete when it comes to Jumping to Conclusions.

So… where did y’all apply to be a bush in the Super Bowl halftime show?!?

Put a finger down if you’ve ever been in the checkout line at ikea and the fire alarm goes off and the employees start yelling at everyone to evacuate and now not only have you shared a bonding experience with strangers but you still have to go home and build all the furniture

Outside of Johnny Long please find me where anyone deserves a suspension? @GregSankey and the league office are a bunch of p****ies

Everyone currently scrolling on twitter for footage of this streaker that just ran on the field #SuperBowl

Giving my classroom gluesticks human names has been revolutionary. Does a student care if a glue stick goes missing? No! Do they care if DEREK the glue stick has not been returned? ABSOLUTELY. It’s like a manhunt until Derek has been returned to his rightful spot.

ROLLING UP THE WELCOME MAT (FOR GOOD). august eleven. “it’s kinda scary opening a wound that time has mended” …but this unexplainably transformative welcome mat had one last bit of rolling up to do 🤍 it’s most important that i articulate that this re-release is for you and you only. the added outro’s that we ended up screamsinging nightly on tour, the lyric changes along a healing journey, hearing you very loudly explain that the INTERLUDE NEEDS TO BE A FULL SONG KELSEA COME ON. plus, a new song to bring the story more up to date. with this, comes a favor. from the deepest and purest part of my heart, i ask that you help this be ours and let the music simply be the music, not dig back into the experience that it was written about nearly a year ago. as a songwriter, producer, artist i’m proud and protective of this EP, and as a woman and human also proud and protective of the new, happy season of life i’m in. my real hope is for us to continue growing, healing, and evolving together with acceptance and kindness (even when we unleash our inner fire breathing dragon singing the new versions of these songs). am i right? 😉 orcd.co/rutwmfg

“Sent with attitude” would be a girl’s favorite iPhone feature

Don’t approach me in this heat. At 110 degrees my attitude cannot be trusted in these conditions.

shrek is a masterpiece. it’s in it’s own category. it’s untouchable. ahead of it’s time. glorious. shrek haters are faking it. i just know it.

@lounge_dawg We will! Love, the cackling hens.

@LizzyMortenson 😂😂😂😂😂😂 y’all come back.

@lounge_dawg we had fun. Thanks for the hospitality.

Not gonna lie, that might have been the first time I have ever been cooked on here.

A group of 14 women came into Starkville cafe and we can’t carry on a conversation they’re so loud. The regulars are restless

*serious situation* My brain:

“Are you okay?” No my stomach always hurts

Hotty Toddy Gosh Almighty

ngl the age i’m turning this year sounds serious and i don’t like it

Will forever be with me❤️ Ik you’re balling up in heaven rn I love you so much❤️