Al Thums

A metaphor for life really…

We forget time is slipping, finite, fragile, chasing shadows we mistake for permanence, gripping anger because control feels safer than surrender. But in the hush between heartbeats we remember only love leaves an echo and it is in that echo we truly live. #Moonmystic

A good life is made up of small moments we collect over the years, don’t fail to recognize and honor every single one

Being good at math is a curse. You’re always putting two and two together.

I just saw 2 snails fighting... They were really slugging it out. #DadJokes

I'd probably get a better rest if I slept on the toilet and made five trips to the bed every night 🤷‍♀️

Piss me off and I'll fill your leafblower with glitter. Your yard gonna look like Tinkerbell hit a fuckin landmine.

@ThatEricAlper Dust In The Wind

If your life had a theme song, what would be playing during the opening credits?

@ThatEricAlper “Tequila!” 😉

If you had to sing one song and get all of the lyrics correct to avoid death, what would it be?

My hobbies include: 1. Going home 2. Being at home 3. Wishing I was at home

Pop rocks and blowjobs, the charcuterie board of foreplay

@Alanascottish #MyHero 😉

He’s also a lip reader 😜

@mistrustme1 @GigglesIsBack Thank you Molly’s mom 😊❤️

Happy Mother’s Day. Here’s me and my mama, who taught me to use my whole heart in everything I do.

@turtledumplin Fairly symbolic of my workplace too…

Live footage of me at the gym

@ByBellaArtist A dessert pizza maybe…

Do bananas belong on pizza?

@mistrustme1 #Truth

Pro tip: get prescribed amoxicillin, hoard it! When the apocalypse hits if the zombies don’t get you, infection will and the pharmacies go first.

I just put a curse on someone at work and now I wait.

@adrianmyreality …I have gas…

Mentally deranged middle aged women with great tits is looking for a man that owns a gas station