Louise.

Starbucks man there using all the right letters, just not necessarily in the right order

When life gives you Lammens...

Every motorway service station should have a 5-a-side football pitch. The score should be continuous throughout the day with travellers swapping in and out via infinite subs.

Iron lung for polio Thought consigned to history Until we got stupid and decided to bring polio back

@AlternativeMUFC Bastard notifications activated 👍🏻

I land back in Manchester tomorrow night. First day back in work is a nice easy 'catching up on emails' day which gives me ample time to boot that bastard laptop up. Monday 6pm Comms. Be there.

@ljcoff "......and he was never seen agaaaaiiinnnn......."

Manchester United, quick question. Did this actually happen?

@AlternativeMUFC Indefensible really. I can understand people shouting fucketybye, but does anyone have a decent replacement lined up? 🤷🏼‍♀️

16 losses in 32 league games now for Amorim. How do you defend that?

This guy explains why everything we know about addiction is actually wrong

@SarkySodRyan @AlternativeMUFC Unfortunately, that lad and his out of control barnet comes to mind at every kick off.

@AlternativeMUFC Winning back to back would be nice. Quietly get rid of that unwanted record. I don't want toads celebrating on social media like it's the CL final 😁 That said, the lad with the hair ain't likely to get it cut until the end of December's fixtures 😂😂😂😂🤷

Up the as the lads follow Big Batty Bryan down to the big smoke for a lovely little weekend starter to take on his old club who are wallowing around near the bottom of the table showing the kind of form that you would expect to see at the Theatre dare I dream that we might actually win two back to back Barclays games in Christ only knows how long or am I a fool for thinking that this is possible because we're the notoriously predictable flip flopping Manchester Matchday Reds?

Fantastic from Brighton, this. A massively important message delivered very well.

The ITV sport commentary for #grimun is beyond embarrassing. Shut the fuck up about the weather.

I wonder if Michael gets egg bound at home? #masterchef

I think a faulty Pookie Tredell is why my sewing machine won't work #masterchef

Is Naomi from Scotland, because she's barely mentioned it #masterchef

@jamesvertigan Ahh...what my late father said whenever that advert came on the telly!

A hazelnut in every bite… like squirrel shit! #Masterchef #masterchefuk

Every "pie" that was just a pastry lid is a crime. #masterchef

The rail replacement bus service is clearly the most exciting thing to happen to Wilmslow train station in many many years! #hiviz #clipboards #parking #calmdown #getalife

Me at 3pm : I couldn't care less about tennis, but it's too hot to be outside so I'll put the women's final on. Me at 5.20pm : WHY AM I SOBBING FOR A GIRL I DON'T KNOW!!?? 😭😭 #Wimbledon

@clarebalding Hi Clare, I thought Novak just said "once I set the RACKET" down, not "once I set the record down"?