Melvin Doo

Damn need a man I can slingshot onto the ceiling that gets stuck there for a few seconds FRRRR

They call me genus pinus the way I give great brain

I got broken up with, totaled my car, and was fired within the span of a month. Call that the Alyssa hat trick. I’m just going to lie in bed and listen to wuthering heights for awhile.

Asking to “review the footage” but I just mean I wanna see your feet

Gonna buy this to take bites out of and maybe finally feel something again

Getting navy sheets is the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life

I’m like an elephant; I never forget and I like slurping water with my looooong nose !

“last night was a movie”

Cool thing happened when I plugged in my vibrato; was shot on my naked ass with sparks from the outlet and now I can only assume I’m being punished for my wicked lust? Ft. My butt zap

Gives You Hell by The All American Rejects

Imagine eating a club sammich..now imagine you’re also playing video games and watching Yellowjackets..yea. #contentmaxxing

Last night we let the M.A.H.A. 3000 talk

I used to have reoccurring nightmares in which people with Down syndrome would self-immolate in front of me and it was directly caused by the school shooter episode of Glee

Gambling on a fart call that gasino

The new hot scent on the streets is Simply Alyssa by Alyssa and it smells like Cheeto dust and ant farts

what came first? The vomit or the spilled groceries?