Mordechai Schmutter

Parsha Classified: IMMEDIATE POSITIONS AVAILABLE! Seeking 160,000 soldiers to help me fight my younger/older brother, age 99, and his sons ages 2 mos.-15 yrs. You get paid when we get back. Safety not guaranteed. Send Resume and Cover to Esau, 400 Yitzchok Avenue, Mt. Seir

@TalkinMendel what is a shul event called?

@MSchmutter A mesibah is a school event. A party is a family event, and I never heard of anyone making a chagiga

CALL FOR HELP: For the sake of an article, what is the difference between a Chanukah mesibah, a Chanukah chagigah, and a Chanukah Party? Is it just that a mesibah is boys, a chagigah is girls, and a party is both? A mesibah is sitting, a chagigah is standing, and a party is both?

@TalkinMendel My daughter's school always called it a Chagigah. So did my sisters' school

@moshe_kolat A lot of people call me "Hey!"

Hebrew letter that is also a first name. I’ll start: Tess

@moshe_kolat I would also like to know when I can eat the other half of all these jellyfish that I cut before Rosh Hashanah.

You’d think the Gabbai would have made a klop on Bima announcement about when to stop putting honey on the Challah

@harryjsisson A blatant attack on free speech is when the person is shot while he's speaking.

🚨Rolling Stone is now confirming what we all knew happened with Jimmy Kimmel’s show. According to their reporting, executives at ABC and Disney didn’t think Kimmel said anything outrageous but they feared retaliation from Trump. This is a blatant attack on free speech.

PARENTING HACK: If you put the end piece of the bread on the sandwich backwards, your kids won't realize it's the end piece.

@HeimishHumor That is genius. You need to market that

Can't wait to use my Shema mask

It takes טו to make a shidduch

NM we can use tears

How are we supposed to put out the Havdalla candle this Motzoei Shabbos?

I think the thing you have to scroll to get to your birth year should start from the beginning of time and move forward. Let people feel good about how far they have to scroll for a change.

@GeniusYidden Especially since it's Baruch Dayan HAemes. Don't google BDE.

Nothing says you care like a BDE sticker in the group whatsapp chat

@minhagim Except the Chassidim, wo should be learning Shvi'is.

Maseches Shavuos begins tomorrow in the daf yomi cycle. Start now and walk into Shavuos actually knowing something about the Yom Tov! enough excuses already!

@minhagim @YankiSense I'm trying to learn Peiah in time for Lag BaOmer

@YankiSense Next you’ll tell me I was wrong for learning Meseches Middos as an introduction to Avos

@HeimishHumor Unless you have a washer that opens in the front.

Jewish life hack: If you don't have any kosher for Pesach pots and pans, you can make an amazing brisket in the dryer and a pretty decent cholent in the washer.

@thementalfix @NiohBerg We don't rip flags on Shabbat. Or take videos.

@MSchmutter @NiohBerg I am not an expert, but tallis is worn without a tefillin during Shabbat right?

I'm 99% sure this "Rabbi" is a non-Jewish actor, especially considering he's doing this inside of a synagogue. Nothing about this fits into Orthodox Judaism.

@thementalfix @NiohBerg And when do you wear a tallis but not tefillin that you can rip a flag? Is he a chazzan at a weekday Mincha?

@NiohBerg He is not wearing the Tallis properly, hence how you know that its staged.

@SuzyQue64568715 @jewishmemequeen Most people don't become affluent by being friendly.

@jewishmemequeen These is an important lesson in life. You will find that they are far more generous as well.

I lived on a wealthy block for 2 years. Some of my neighbors are influential in the community. No one ever invited me for a shabbos meal. No one tried to get to know me. No one acknowledged my presence. Now I’m in a less affluent neighborhood and everyone is so friendly.