Maddest Matty

@deskdesk22 @Owennfa So you can have clean water and a fire department and they plow the roads

@Owennfa why do property taxes exist

I Paid off my mortgage last month. Thirty years. Bank sent the deed over, congratulations, it's yours free and clear. Two weeks later the county tax bill shows up. $9,400. And that's not a one time thing, that's every year until I die. Stop paying it and eventually they take the house. The one I just spent three decades buying. So what actually changed here? For thirty years I paid a bank so I could live in my own house. Now I pay the county so I can live in my own house. Different envelope. Same arrangement. Nobody ever finishes paying for a home. You just run out of banks.

@Owennfa You're paying that tax the whole time dummy, it's just in escrow

It's GO BILLS all the way but I gotta say I like that Aaron Rodgers guy for standing up to the media

@yonann If someone tried Jiu-Jitsu on me I would simply stand up

Jonah Hill says jiu jitsu has him ready to “annihilate” anyone who still sees him as the fat guy from Superbad “I love Brazilian jiu jitsu, except my body is begging me not to love it. My wife is often like, ‘You’re not going to become a professional fighter. You know that, right? You’re a comedian’” “If we got into it, I would f*ck you up. I would f*ck all three of you up” “My favorite thing is people are like, ‘Oh, Jonah Hill, f*cking fat guy from Superbad.’ And I’m like, ‘I would f*cking annihilate you, dude. I’m not kidding you. Try it. If you see me, try it, dude. Bring it. Who’s got it?’”

@StasiBoots Those first couple records had some bangers. RIP Joey

Yeah one of the most popular bands in the world among people who live in manufactured homes maybe

They don't want you to know this, but losing weight and getting healthy makes your dong look bigger

@SethLargo Salary is for bozos. I show up, I get my money, and then I forget about the place until tomorrow

This is called having a salary. Some weeks it works in your favor, other weeks it don't.

New York rust never fails to amaze me

@Howlingmutant0 She's thinking about how her hair looks, what that one bitch from 3 hours ago gave her a "look", how her makeup is clearly the best in the room. He's thinking about the cards

Can someone explain why poker is a gender segregated game to begin with? I can’t think of any reason that isn’t insulting to women

@dissproportion Gambling losses should be reimbursed up to 30k cause gambling is fun

I would like zero dollars and zero cents of taxpayer money to go to gambling losses, please.

@bezuidengoy At least 5k burpees before even picking up a weight

No hate on obese people in the gym but I just don’t think lateral raises are a very good use of your time if you weigh 340 pounds

@SpinDocSports @jasoninthehouse As soon as he's notified that he is being detained he has a right to an attorney

You don't get to call time out on a DUI investigation so you can talk to a lawyer. That's not how it works. Police conduct their investigation and if they find signs of impairment they take you into custody. Access to a lawyer is only required when being formally interrogated. Performing FST's is not that (by law).

Watching the video, Tony Romo is polite and coherent. No signs of him being belligerent nor intoxicated. Obviously haven’t seen the video footage or the ultimate test, but he couldn’t have been a nicer guy and fully compliant. Asking to speak to an attorney to understand his rights seems entirely reasonable.

@wadeowenwatts35 @mattvanswol These go beyond privacy, this is stalking

@mattvanswol Don’t encourage this hatred. You don’t have the right to privacy in public. Criminals hate security cameras.

🚨WOW!!! A 77-year-old Florida man staged a one-man protest against a Flock camera, blocking it's view by holding a 12-foot POOL SKIMMER against it. He was caught on camera being interrogated by police and a man driving by says, "What's your name? I'll bail you out!" Then multiple strangers showed up and brought him cold drinks, an umbrella for shade, and even snacks. When asked why he was doing this, the 77-year-old said: “I have a constitutional right to my privacy. I’m a law-abiding citizen, and I don’t need anyone sticking their nose in my business. And if they do, I’m going to chop it off.”

@garyboomer58 A cardboard box in the shittiest ghetto on Earth for 80k

Kids today say houses are unaffordable But I can find 20+ properties for under $100,000 in the Midwest But you won’t move to a small quiet town not on the coast

@lance_corporate I would never buy from them. But I'll sell every day and twice on Sundays

I went to go sell my old car to a local dealer and dude offered me $3K under Kelley Blue Book after making me wait for 30 minutes while his "guy" pretended to do some used car magic in the office upstairs. After he told me his price, I laughed out loud, and thanked him for his time (nice guy, actually, and not really his fault). He said, "Yeah, I know you can probably get more for it online, but that's because they have house money, we're sort of beholden to our lenders and their rates, etc." This guy who sells beat up old trucks to unsuspecting teenagers at 18% interest tried to give me a sob story about not having enough money to buy my old commuter Toyota Corolla loooool I hopped back in the car and within three minutes, I had literally booked an appointment with Carvana who will now be in my driveway to pick up my car in less than 3 hours, and handing me a check for full market value. I hope Carvana puts all the dealerships under. They deserve it.

@quit_calling @SeenInCrows @huskylenz @kdandy888 They have ones that can handle around 1.5 to 2 tons. Also the floor has to be perfect

@MaddestMatty @SeenInCrows @huskylenz @kdandy888 You're right about the counter weight in forklifts. But also this thing isn't a forklift, it's not stacking anything. It's basically just a roomba pallet jack.

Cool to watch until you realize this little dude just took a person’s job

@4merlynotfamous @_Lin_inc It's not very exciting, we just ask each other what we want for dinner, get each other little trinkets, and then bang a few times a week really late at night

@_Lin_inc They should create a MOF...Married Only Fans

Caller: “I’m an OF model, now i’m pregnant…how will i live my life now?” Caller: I’m 21 and I’m pregnant. I’ve been working on OnlyFans making about $1,000 a month, and my boyfriend makes $4,000. I want to quit and be a stay at home mom. Rachel: First question, do you want to quit OnlyFans? Caller: Yes. I hate it. It’s emotionally draining and I feel ashamed about it. Dave: Then quit today. That income is easily replaceable with other work, waitressing, retail, anything. You don’t need OnlyFans. Rachel: Your boyfriend’s $4,000 is enough to start a family on if you’re intentional and frugal. Dave: What about your boyfriend, is he also on OnlyFans? Caller: He was, yes. Dave: That’s something you two need to address in premarital counseling. Both of you being in that space raises some concerns about your foundation as a couple. Caller: We’re thinking about getting married. Rachel: Do it. Get a courthouse wedding soon and officially combine your lives and finances.

@SeenInCrows @huskylenz @kdandy888 Electric forklifts have a giant battery in the back to act as a counter weight so the load doesn't tip over

@huskylenz @kdandy888 How’s that. Electric forklifts don’t seem to have any trouble.

@kdandy888 I don't mind these kind of clankers. I just want them to stop doing all the creative fun tasks like art and music