Mary Ryan

If you had told me two years ago that there would be a global pandemic, I would have believed you because the pandemic started like two years ago.

It’s great that the full moon is finally affecting men- @Marrbears

I wish my horoscope would say "Today, you will get railed by a hottie" :/

If you have a Twitter crush on me tell me before it’s too late

I bought charcoal toothpaste, so now whenever I brush my teeth I feel the girl from the exorcist.

fuck the Scarecrow, marry the Cowardly Lion, kill the Tin Man

Retweet if you are also drinking boba tea and listening to the "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" soundtrack

I’d rather date a gay man from Silverlake than a straight man from NoHo

My boobs are getting bigger and I am worried I made a deal with the devil and forgot.

Bunny MacDougal can suck a dick

The first episode of ‘OVERSHARING’ is HEREEEEE! I co-created and co-wrote with my besties @KyleKasabian and @lucyblehar directed by @mbharoocha and executive produced by @JayKogen and Naomi Odenkirk! I can't even believe it!!! WATCH!!! vimeo.com/740017189

So PLEASE check out episode 1 of a new internet show I was a part of and hoping to make into a series. It's called OVERSHARING and it's about two best friends and the weird hellscape people in their 20s find themselves struggling through. vimeo.com/740017189

The first episode of ‘OVERSHARING’ is hot n ready! I co-created and co-wrote this sweet mess with @KyleKasabian and @Marrbears, directed by @mbharoocha and executive produced by @JayKogen and Naomi Odenkirk! A dream come true! Watch: vimeo.com/740017189

Where do I find this crab?

No Celine...MY Heart Will Go On.

@lucyblehar but at what cost?

a savoury pastry

I love fake ice in TV shows.

If this tweet gets 1K likes... I will go to sleep cause it's late!

My heel still itches, someone help.

I love to leave parties early, get right into my bed, and google things like "why does my left heel itch?"

Fuck Cookie Dough. Marry Mint Chip. Kill Neapolitan.