Matthew Johnson

@fesshole Fair.

A few years ago I was walking to work a bloke a few yards infront of me dropped £100 on the floor out of his back pocket, I tried to tell him but when I said "excuse me" he told me to fuck off so I did, with his money. Unlucky you arrogant arsehole.

@fesshole Tbf not much difference with this and a-hole multi millionaires/billionaires using loopholes like registering homes abroad to avoid paying tax.

Started a new job working remotely as a field technician. Advert gave 6k a year more if you lived in London. Gave my mates home address and pay him £500 to forward the mail every time it comes. Live up north

@Needle_of_Arya These theories fall apart where they've been together 7 years and no one said "what email? What weekend hike?"

So, who's going to tell her?

@MikeBales "You're a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride".

Hello darkness, my old friend…

@fandompulse Yeah but Tom Cruise can act.

Stephen Seagal on Tom Cruise being bad casting for The Last Samurai: “They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the Last Samurai.” “I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts. I was given the title of master. We got 450,000 phone calls from everybody in the world saying, ‘That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.” Do you agree with him?

@MrPitbull07 Don't forget, when Lennon died, Yoko banned Julian from the funeral.

@SueBursztynski @Provokethoughtz I hope not. There's enough men with this attitude without women making it worse.

@Matt_P_Johnson @Provokethoughtz I bet this wasn’t even a woman. It’s easy enough to choose your own handle.

@fesshole "Cheeky pleasuring of myself" doesn't sound like something a guy would say. Just saying...

Fancied a cheeky pleasuring of myself to a VPN related activity, told the wife I was going for a poop, completed the deed, came back down, she said "That was quick!" Humiliation personified

@kallieslays This is popping up a lot for me. Every time I see it I wonder...how many of those crying faul over this did the same when "blurred lines" was released?

this song is basically gen z’s “no scrubs” catchy, funny, and painfully relatable to most women in the dating scene right now. + guess what? every time some dude gets offended and starts whining about this song or about sabrina “hating men” he’s basically just outing himself as the exact type she’s talking about ✨

@PaulWal31268048 @ElizabethDese Yep, and he has been working on it for years. It's working title was "the cowboy song".

@ElizabethDese Bohemian rhapsody was released in 1975. Get your facts straight before posting.

In 1977, the band Queen was recording an album. Their lead singer, Freddie Mercury, was working on a song that no one really understood. It had opera. It had rock. It had no chorus. It was nearly six minutes long. The record label thought it was a terrible idea. Radio stations refused to play it because it was “too weird” and “too long.” That song was Bohemian Rhapsody. When it was finally released, it became one of the most famous songs in history. Decades later, it still tops charts whenever it resurfaces. It’s been streamed billions of times. Entire stadiums still sing it word for word. A song with no chorus. Opera in the middle. And lyrics nobody fully understands. Sounds fabricated. But it’s completely true. Sometimes the thing that looks “too different” is the thing that changes everything.

@buitengebieden "But what have humans ever done for US"?

I wonder what they’re discussing.. 😅

@fesshole For any writers of fesses, any fess that contains the words "she doesn't know"...she knows.

Wife wants to get a dog cam to see what our dog gets up to when we're at work. This is a huge issue. Wife thinks I work Mon-Fri. But I stopped working fridays two years ago. On fridays I pretend to go to work in the morning & come back home once she has left. What should I do?

I have a thing where I have to knock one out to a celebrity that's recently passed away. Kind of like paying respects, in a creepy sorta way. The Queen was a challenge, I won't lie.

@TheBritLad I've literally been to a cafe with a Muslim friend whilst they observed Ramadan and I had a drink and some food. Stop making things up.

🚨WTF: Muslims in the UK are calling for a BAN of people eating in public during RAMADAN daylight hours. They argue that seeing people eating food increases their temptation and Islam should be respected. What's your message to them?

Which child character is most unsettling?

@fesshole If she was drunk she couldn't consent. Don't kick yourself for not committing rape.

Got very stoned one night & woke up next morning with a slice of toast stuck to my face. Couldn't remember making it. Turned out it was a flatmate who came home drunk with her friend & both girls were keen for a threesome but couldn't wake me up. Been kicking myself for decades.

@DyerbolicalDB Nothing compares to this guy having the Christmas no. 1 two years later.

Wasn't that bad

@creepydotorg He had to bring the actors out of hiding too, because they'd done that as part of the contract.

The film ‘Cannibal Holocaust’ (1980) was so controversial that director Ruggero Deodato was arrested and charged with murder. The death scenes in the film were so realistic that some believed them to be authentic. To prove his innocence, Deodato had to show in court how the special effects were made. After proving that no one was killed on the set of ‘Cannibal Holocaust’ Deodato was acquitted of all charges. However, the film continued to be banned in several countries due to its depiction of real animal deaths and the general disturbing nature of the film.

@ConnorEverland @DiscussingFilm I'm all for the guy doing a film or TV adaptation of most of King's books because he's proved he can do it, but why not some that were terrible films? Like Dreamcatcher. Do that man.

@DiscussingFilm I love Mike Flanagan, but I don’t know if they need to redo this one. Frank Darabont already made a great one

Mike Flanagan is set to write and direct a new film adaptation of Stephen King’s ‘THE MIST’ for Warner Bros. The story follows a group of townsfolk locked in a grocery store after a thick mysterious fog emerges that hides deadly creatures. (Source: Deadline)