Matt Plato

6.1K posts

Matt Plato banner
Matt Plato

Matt Plato

@Matt_tfdXCI

Level 34 | Trying to enjoy life and keep fit | T1D | Views are my own | 🇪🇺 | ✡️ | 🏳️‍🌈 | I go private sometimes

Banbury, England Katılım Nisan 2012
2.8K Takip Edilen4.1K Takipçiler
No Context Brits
No Context Brits@NoContextBrits·
You have to lose one item. Which is it?
No Context Brits tweet media
English
829
16
359
91.2K
Joo
Joo@JoosyJew·
Palestinianism is where lonely people go to find friends.
English
8
11
130
2.1K
Matt Plato
Matt Plato@Matt_tfdXCI·
@anon_opin I fail to find Monty Python amusing. I've tried and still failed.
English
2
0
0
311
Anon Opin.
Anon Opin.@anon_opin·
Both Ronnie Barker and David Jason are comedy giants who should be rightly praised for a great body of work. Except for Open All Hours. Which is absolutely shite. Although not as bad as Still Open All Hours, which somehow managed to be even shitter.
English
35
6
255
56.3K
Heidi Bachram
Heidi Bachram@HeidiBachram·
Co-founder of Palestine Solidarity Campaign Tony Greenstein was just expelled from the Green Party. That’s quite some achievement. But he’s no different than many infesting the party. Kick them all OUT.
Heidi Bachram tweet media
English
24
64
391
4.5K
Matt Plato
Matt Plato@Matt_tfdXCI·
@DabronxM @jessisajew Happily Israel excels at more useful things, such as science, technology and culture 🇮🇱🔥😎
English
0
0
0
10
Jewish Jess
Jewish Jess@jessisajew·
If Israel controls the media, why do I keep reading articles saying Israel controls the media?
English
87
164
1.9K
23.4K
Matt Plato
Matt Plato@Matt_tfdXCI·
@fesshole ...Did you start your meal at the ends and work towards the middle? 🤣
English
0
0
0
91
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
Date was going well until he started scooping up his ice cream using poppadums like how one might eat guacamole with Doritos.
English
16
1
475
85.4K
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I only realised why Ray-Bans are called ray bans. I'm 40.
English
634
679
41K
9.4M
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
Mine and my wife's underwear are roughly the same size however when I hang the washing out, I use 1 peg for hers and 2 pegs for mine as I know that when she takes the washing in, hers being a '1 peg job' positively impacts her view of herself.
English
31
16
4K
276.6K
Matt Plato
Matt Plato@Matt_tfdXCI·
@OrevaZSN The last one I stayed in expected me to strip the beds on departure. I didn't.
English
0
0
0
52
𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉
Airbnb owners, if you’re charging me a cleaning fee, I’m not cleaning anything. Hotels don’t charge a cleaning fee, and I don’t have to strip the beds, take out the trash, load the dishwasher, or wash the towels. Why are you charging a fee whilst making me an employee?
English
537
1.4K
38.4K
2.3M
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
Had an absolute Karen follow me around Tesco glaring and trying to snoop in my trolly. She definitely thought I was trying to shoplift so I paid for everything out of spite. Problem was she was absolutely correct.
English
16
21
2.9K
193.6K
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
Work booked me into an Air BnB for a conference. I assumed the deal was you got the whole house for yourself. That's not always the case as I discovered while having a wank in the hallway.
English
45
19
2.5K
234.3K
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
Used to have a friend in primary school who'd collect wasps and bees in his lunchbox. I wonder some days what's he's doing now?
English
71
4
703
94K
Heidi Bachram
Heidi Bachram@HeidiBachram·
The new Mayor of Hackney is keen to stop the council’s pension fund investing in companies “complicit in genocide”. What genocide Zoe?
English
358
292
1.9K
30K
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I stopped sleeping naked, and I stopped picking my nose and rubbing it on the bed. These two changes have allowed me to wash my white sheets only three times a year, down from every two weeks.
English
50
5
709
180.3K
Nathan
Nathan@Nathan262Horn·
I could show ya all my birthday dick, yeah the one I was born with, but evidently that would make me a “nonce” 🙄🤷🏻‍♂️😅
English
8
0
10
509
Hunter
Hunter@hunterxhiker·
rugged landscape^
Hunter tweet media
English
32
211
6K
57.3K
Fesshole🧻
Fesshole🧻@fesshole·
I have a jar of homemade strawberry jam in my refrigerator that my mother made with strawberries she grew in her garden. The jar has been there for 13 years. She died 12.5 years ago and I still can't bring myself to bin it.
English
100
34
5.1K
205.3K