Matt Simmons

I feel seen.

Our 5yo learned how to write the word “poop” and has been going around handing out “Poop Tickets” (pieces of paper with the word “POOP” written on them) to people. All that to say… y’all keep an eye out for my parenting book, releasing Spring 2023.

One of them just donkey kicked the other, and now I don’t know if I’ll have grandkids.

I’m solo parenting for a couple of days while Rebecca is on a work trip. Currently cooking a pot of macaroni, sipping a Coke Zero, and watching my sons brawl on the trampoline in the backyard. Pretty sure the young one just clawed the older one’s eyes. 🤷🏼‍♂️

Also, I felt a little uncomfortable at how close Lyle was getting to the protagonist’s mom. At one point, I leaned over to my wife and said, “Is this kid gonna end up with a crocodile for a stepdad? What is going on here?” I mean, they even played Twister.

There were farting crocodiles and a cat with diarrhea. The plot was very dense, and I might’ve missed a few key points due to bathroom breaks, but it was surprisingly Keynesian in its economic viewpoint.

Took the kids to see Lyle, Lyle Crocodile today. Y’all be looking for my Letterboxd review in the coming days.

My kids are slowly, painfully realizing that I am not, in fact, as good a dad as Bluey’s dad.

Ditto. I finished this book two months ago and still think about it regularly.

Today our 7yo told us, “I just can’t wait till I get bit by a spider one day and get my superpowers.”

@leburrus Well, we certainly do. And we will pass down the legend for generations. 😂

@MatthewRSimmons 😂 I have no memory of this

Today is our 14th anniversary. @leburrus gave us a can opener that day with a note to the effect of, “Every time you use this, think of me.” We still have that can opener, and we still think of him every time we use it.

One of the best decisions we made re: the ceremony itself was asking Gene to play the piano. We still love watching the video, and now we get to share it with our kids and remind them that this exquisite man is the reason they get to eat baked beans.

“You don’t need to buy any more books before you read the ones you already have.” — Me, to our 7yo

This is one of those books that I think is going to stick with me for a long time.

Idolatry

this was just a clue on Jeopardy, but no one got it

This weekend I used a pencil eraser to make a Cross pen refill work inside a Lamy Safari body, and I was so proud of myself. What I’m saying is that I know what Tom Hanks’ character felt like in Castaway.