Mike Green

@the_love1776 No, but the Turkey looks done.

Would you have thanksgiving with me

@fesshole I’ll bet this story crack’s em up at the Trailer Park Home owners meetings.

Road rager attacked me in the street. I caught the reg of the driver. Ordered a set of show plates and attached them to a hire car of a similar model. Speeding past a few cameras, unpaid parking on CCTV, CC & ULEZ trip. Wish I was there when the fines hit their doormat.

@RightScopee Impeached.

DESCRIBE PRESIDENT TRUMP USING ONLY ONE WORD…

@fesshole Oh yeah, be careful I saw 50 shades of Grey.

I'm really plain, and this utterly handsome new man started at work - the whole building noticed him. Turns out that we genuinely have lots in common & are now firm work friends. My rather glamorous team rib me about him. For once, I'm envied and it feels great.

@fesshole I hate this post. It makes me angry at the world.

I thought it was normal to leave skidmarks on the sheets until the first night I spent with my first girlfriend. She dumped me, lesson learned.

@ElonMuskAOC R

What is missing here? You deserve $1,000,000 if you can tell

@ImMeme0 Historians and political experts generally agree that it takes at least 20 to 30 years after a presidency to fully assess its impact. In fact most of what you think was wrong with the US during Biden was most likely caused by Trumps first term.

Biden will go down as the worst president in American history. Agree?

@Skol4x4 Yeah No, You’re talking Super Bowl? I’d worry about Ford Field if I were you.

Literally THE ONLY Super Bowl that makes any sort of sense

@awfulannouncing The other loss was to the Vikings, he forgot the Vikings.

Tom Brady can't remember that the third team the Packers lost to this year was the Vikings...who they're currently on the field playing 😬

@realspitfire I don’t understand what I’m seeing thank god.

A sleeping woman was burned alive on the subway. She didn’t have a Daniel Penny to save her.

@IvankaNews_ You’re not a Xerox machine!

@ElonMuskAOC Yes I’d add it to my portfolio. I’m already a Thousandaire.

I need you to be honest with me Would you accept $69,000,000 from me if I gave it to you?

@elonmuskTN That.

@elonmuskTN I would pay off my bills. Just being even would be a bonus!

@elonmuskTN I’d delete it for $150K.

@DonaldJTrumpJr It’ll be funny when he goes to the polls on Election Day and can’t even vote for himself.

Such bullshit.

@HMAN84 I’ve only missed 4 games since 1973. When my daughter played travel ball I lost a couple of Sundays. Go Lions!

That's what I think Williams can benefit from. Get him involved and I think we'll see a different type of player. My opinion and shared experience.

Watch Mike Green: Who's a Good Boy? funny.openbarcomedy.com/who-s-a-good-b…

@RyanEFox2 My parents let let me drink and smoke and eat McDonalds. I wasn’t a normal kid either.

As the father of a 6-year old boy, this disgusts me.

@LilyOLilo @fesshole Yep, you showed him. Now he can have all the unprotected sex he wants with your BEST FRIEND & not have kids. I’m pretty sure he wins in this scenario.

@fesshole I love the guys outing themselves by taking the cheater's side 🤣 AND the ones who show they know full well that vasectomies are reversible but still won't get them to spare their women from taking insane amounts of hormones... 👏👏👏

Convinced my husband to have a vasectomy. One day after the procedure I served divorce papers and told him I knew of his ongoing 9 month long affair with my supposed best friend. She has always wanted children.