Mitchell Symons

@kelvmackenzie Wise words - as ever

@AnekaDemura Thanks for your kind words, Demura. I followed the link and it looks like someone is offering free downloads of my work. Hope they're paying my publisher because I sure as hell ain't seeing any money!

@kelvmackenzie Bloody right, mate, but when they do, you can bet that the usual suspects will condemn them

@Baddiel Happy Birthday, young David. I'm 65 FFS and would love to be as young as you!

Thanks for all your fantastically upbeat and funny good wishes. I look forward to continuing to fall apart in the warm embrace of them for many - well let’s not be over optimistic - a few more years to come.

I’m fifty fucking eight today. Oy.

@kelvmackenzie I agree that he's destroying the Tory Party but I was never a fan. The man's a thorough bounder and should be chucked out on his ear

@MyItchyBoy @diamondbookhub @DrNeenaJha ...and who can disagree with that!

@DrNeenaJha You child needs Mitchell Symons books ASAP!

Oh dear lord! My kid’s questions tonight. Anyone?? 1. Why can’t we tickle ourselves? 2. Do bogeys smell? or can’t you tell because they live in your nose? 3. How does a song get stuck in your head? Does your brain control you or do you control your brain? HELP! 🤯

@diamondbookhub @House_of_Beam @meestworah @SA_byOma @_DammyB_ @Rasheed_Ay Thanks for the mention

Top tips from the marvelous mind of Mitchell Symons. N1500

@MyItchyBoy @DrNeenaJha Speaking as Mitchell Symons, I'm flattered and grateful in equal measure!

BBC: BBC: Apologise now for suggesting Jews might not “count” as an ethnic minority - Sign the Petition! chng.it/PrbWLqTZ via @UKChange

@kelvmackenzie @CityUniLondon Supporting the IRA meant never having to say you're sorry.

@kelvmackenzie You are absolutely right, as always, @kelvmackenzie The Guardian: loves humanity; hates people

I urge everyone - Jew and non-Jew alike - to buy David Baddiel's book JEWS DON'T COUNT. It's a brilliant, honest, accurate read. @Baddiel

@uchihatafida I'm very flattered

'That book' by Mitchell Symons, 'Tell me your dreams' by Sydney, ' Salah ad deen volume 2' ( The Establishment of Ayubid state ) by Dr. Ali M. Sallabi.

@BenIllustrator @lauraannebaker @natsmillie Your son sounds like a fine young man

@lauraannebaker @natsmillie My son has always been into fact books, especially Mitchell Symons books, he's 10 now but has read 'How to Avoid a Wombat's Bum' about a million times since he was around 6.

Hi Twitter! My 6yo has declared he's read all his books again... Any recommendations for new series? He's loved The Boy Who Grew Dragons, Dog Man, Matty Long, Treehouse Books, fact books... He'll read anything he can find but I want to be sure they're age appropriate! Thanks :)

@jessphillips She wouldn't have had to leave a party led by Jess Phillips

There is literally nothing worth saying that I can say about Louise's resignation, how can we still be here, how can we still be in a position where Jewish colleagues don't feel they can stay. How can this possibly not have stopped.

@MTSundayExpress Don't forget the bender!

Ah, the joys of the Brown Derby and ice cream...

@wetcasserolewaz @elijahgrey97 That's not sassy; that's just rude. Still, I can take it (sniff, sniff)

When I was 9 or 10, I emailed a writer to tell him I was his biggest fan. He asked me if I read his new book, I said I didn't have it yet. He said that in that case I can't be his biggest fan. It was in this moment I knew: men just aren't worth the hassle.

@wetcasserolewaz @elijahgrey97 In what way traumatizing? Didn't I reply to all your emails?

@elijahgrey97 TRULY iconic books, but def a slightly traumatizing fan experience!

@wetcasserolewaz @elijahgrey97 Hey, Wilma - thanks for the mention....I remember you from years ago!

@elijahgrey97 Lmao of course he didn't! Mitchell Symons, creator of such irreverent titles as "why eating bogeys is good for you" and "How much poo does an elephant do" xx

@nldoherty I'll be there in February!

Misty Saturday morning in San Francisco. ift.tt/2PSlTUD