Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

I'm a social vegan, I don't like meet.

Hostess: would you like a table or booth? Me: kind of you to offer but im actually looking to get something to eat

If I tell you I'll call you later.. Just proceed with your life

I’ve never played Russian Roulette, but I have been the first one to say I love you.

Down the rabbit hole we go one by one.

You had me at "imagine hating me"

Ham chunks? Why, i haven't heard that name in years

They tossing me off a cliff to hear me yell “Yaaah-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooey!!!” tomorrow

I’m just fine With all things divine

There's always that one person who hates you for no reason. Just remember, they're probably just allergic to your greatness.

🤍🐼🖤

#ASongOrMovieForAnimalBehaviour I Fought The Claw And The Claw Won

Everybody gangsta till that pollen hit

I hate going to the dentist. He always ruins the boob view by putting the bib on me.

Why do we get to boss animals around?

“It’s not working!” My go to… position on life.

If sex is a chore, you’re doing it wrong

This meat only diet got me tweeting like a man.

Money is fake, and we live on a floating rock. This is a daily reminder.

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

I try and be respectful 😁