Motel

Who had the brilliant idea of hiring a boy who can't swim as a pool boy? Burt.

Guests often ask if the pool water is heated. Let's just say it's somewhere on the scale of 'refreshing' to ‘hypothermia inducing’. Gail

Writing a good pun is harder than changing a TV aerial, apparently. Though I've not heard back from @Lee_Tannnn yet on my suggestion we swap jobs. Burt. lbbonline.com/news/copywriti…

Are clients getting bolder? One of ours asked for breakfast in bed! Gail. x.com/Campaignmag/st…

Trees are talking now?? Next thing, they’ll be asking for a room at the Motel! Burt twitter.com/Campaignmag/st…

I told a guest there’s no WiFi password. They looked pleased. Until I told them it’s because we don’t have WiFi. Gail

Correction. Vending machine is broken. Gail

No Michelin-star food here. But we can offer a fine assortment of expired snacks from our vending machine! Burt

Exactly how full is a Full English meant to be? Burt.

Poolboy put five times the amount of chlorine in today. Getting flashbacks to April 2020. Burt

Just caught Burt dancing around with the hoover. Twenty-seven years I’ve been waiting for him to ask... Gail

One of our guests checked-in in 2007 and hasn’t checked-out yet. I know I should knock on his door but I really don’t want to tell him that Nu-Rave is dead. Gail.

There’s a real buzz around the reception today. Haven’t seen Gail this excited since we changed the handsoap. Burt.

10 star jumps and you won’t even notice the heating’s broken! Gail.

Maybe now we can afford to replace the broken vending machine. Those Wotsits have been in there for a decade. Burt.

Attention all guests: the pool water is not drinkable. Or swimmable. Or touchable. Burt.

I’m always here if you need to talk. Except between seven and half-past. Can’t miss an episode of World’s Filthiest Hotels. Pure schadenfruede. Gail.

Sorry for whoever’s been ringing the front desk bell. It’s the series finale to ‘Four in a Bed’. Gail.