Rich

The London Zoo Gorilla has been caught. Such an anti climax. Wanted to see him climbing up Big Ben with Boris Johnson under his arm.

If you think it's hard to watch your parents grow old, just wait until you have to see your children get older. My son is balding and my daughter has wrinkles. It's so disturbing to me. I have a hard time with it when I see them face to face. I want to cry.

@FotMob Chelsea will be after their manager next...again.

📈 Victory over Chelsea moves Brighton up to sixth in the Premier League, just five points off the Champions League places, with four games to play. The Seagulls are unbeaten in five at the business end of the season. 💪

Rosenior? More like Losenior, amirite?

❤️ Casemiro: “It’s very special playing for Manchester United because, for me, it’s the BEST team in England… …and TOP THREE in the world”, told awaydaysfootball.

@BBCScotlandNews Baahatma Gandhi would be more appropriate

Plans submitted for bust of Mahatma Gandhi in Aberdeen park bbc.in/4u0L328

@SkySportsPL That's news to us ...

@anon_opin Would be funny to see them try...

Every flag should feature a mythical animal. Notice how the roundabouts aren't being painted in Wales? It's because idiots can't draw a dragon.

Everyone should use their smartphones to film a poo coming out of their bum at least once in their lifetimes. It's fascinating.

Wearing labels over age of 21 is gaudy and is akin to being a full kit wanker

Six y/o daughter fell and needed to get stitches. To distract her from the pain I showed her a summary of research on how swearing helps you endure pain. She went back to school the next days and called her teacher a cunt. Cue awkward telephone conversation.

@anon_opin Only those where the pitch isn't wet enough and they fall over, just to add to the humiliation.

Knee slide celebrations in football should be a red card offence.

@footballontnt Learned from the best...

@anon_opin Before the paywall, it'll be ads. Watch a 2 minute unskippable ad whilst the AI generates the answer for each prompt.

The endgame of AI is that everyone has to rely upon the magic box to tell them everything they need to know. All hidden behind a paywall. No money = no knowledge. We're sleepwalking into capitalist idiocy.

💙❤️ Today, we remember the 97 Liverpool FC supporters who lost their lives in the Hillsborough disaster, 37 years ago.

@anon_opin L is the capital of London.

Clapham Junction the capital of London.

From late teens onwards sitting about indoors with a hood up makes you look like an overgrown child

@CourtNewsUK Really want to see the camera footage on this one.

Drunken executive destroyed rickshaw in police chase courtnewsuk.co.uk/drunken-execut…

Redoing the flooring in the main bedroom. Got the old flooring out. Thanks to friend in phlebotomist training, used the blood of several different people to write "I KILLED SIX PEOPLE HERE" on the concrete slab, then installed new floor. Next remodel should be fun.

@fesshole Is your dad the Devil?

My dad, an Arsenal fan, left his Football Manager save open so I opened editor and gave an unnamed player who left the club last year a 5 year contract on £975k a week but a 5 year global ban. I can't wait for his bemusement when he realises, he's got a league two club.

@nocontextfm1 Wait and see how hard he gets dragged if Arsenal win the league.

Everything gets milked within an inch of its life these days

I get that it was funny at the time, but do we really have to interview him?! 😂