Jack Murrell

🔴#Biomutant Giveaway LIVE Here's your chance to win 1 of 10 #Steam keys for the Action-RPG, @Biomutant! Winners will receive their key on launch day (May 25th)! Good luck, everyone! ENTER: ow.ly/vAog30rIqws @Experiment1O1 @THQNordic

Zoom fatigue: “Sorry, I don’t know what happened there” - Translation: I closed my laptop because I’d just had enough.

Now I see where I've been going wrong

Procedure for being unthanked for door holding: 1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit 2. Say “you're welcome” 3. Shake head 4. Mutter "unbelievable" 5. Watch as someone else walks through the door you’re still holding 6. Repeat

Remember the days when water would just fall from the sky?

In a 2012 poll, Shitterton in Dorset won the accolade of Britain's Most Unfortunate Place Name, beating out Scratchy Bottom, also in Dorset, and Brokenwind in Aberdeenshire.

Levels of saying “I want to leave”: 1. Sitting on edge of sofa 2. Looking at watch 3. Saying “is that the time?” 4. Slapping thighs 5. Saying “right” 6. Placing mug near sink 7. Putting on coat 8. Saying “right” again You’re staying for at least another hour at this point.

@RiceOlly Huddersfield massive let down... First time I've cheered for a 0:0 #letdownfield

Being knackered from another full day of pretending you have the slightest clue what you're doing

Word of the day: BOBBLEHEADING - mass nodding by staff in a meeting when the boss says something that no one understands.

Making sure there is no trouble in the office. Raising funds for #Alzheimers getting ready for #HeroChallenge @HeroChallenge17

@HeroChallenge17 Top of the Board smashing #CapitaHeroChallenge

If history has shown us anything, it’s that bananas and Minions go together like...Minions and bananas. #DespicableMe3 #NationalBananaDay

That's my excuse twitter.com/qikipedia/stat…

In 2009, Nigerian Police arrested a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Premier League winning managers: Mancini - Sacked Pellegrini - Sacked Mourinho - Sacked Ranieri - Sacked "Dont win PL, don't get sacked"

Me on the upcoming company Christmas do... After a few confidence juices of course twitter.com/BrunoMars/stat…

@benwhiteCUFC looks like it's going to be back to back defeats gotta get me up the table

@benwhiteCUFC gotbto make up them points somehow need to take down your unbeaten record