Mysti Jordan

This not about security. This is about control. #riseup

@_amariahxo @VerizonNews @Verizon Same. And I’m traveling. This is not okay. They need to fix it.

@VerizonNews @Verizon Expensive ass bill and I can’t even use my service. It’s been HOURS.

We are aware of an issue impacting service for some customers. Our engineers are engaged and we are working quickly to identify and solve the issue.

@Verizon, get it together, Golden Boots!!!

I mixed pistachio pudding mix into my yogurt and it’s green. Does that count? #stpaddysday

We adopted Odin from @PimaAnimalCare after losing our sweet Rusty Pants. Rusty’s sister, Pica, was devastated and mourned him for weeks and weeks. But then she opened her heart to Odin, and I think this picture says it all!!!

Back in my day, they gave you your new glasses in an hour. Now they say, “Yeah, you need stronger glasses than these. Please continue to wear them for 7-14 days.”

On Tuesday, I misread a garlic cream sauce recipe. I saw 1 c of butter. It said 1/4 c butter. So I had to quadruple the rest of the ingredients. Consequently, we’ve been eating EVERYTHING with garlic cream sauce this week, and I’m not mad about it.

Well, Walmart is forgiven for earlier because we are both out of our minds. I checked in and sat and sat and waited and waited. Then, they called. “We have you checked in, but you didn’t tell us what parking space you’re in.” Cool. Sorry that I’m stoopid.

Go home, Walmart, you’re drunk. “We are out of 9 oz. Great Value Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks. We are replacing it with… 9 oz. Great Value Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks.”

Here are two fun facts for you: 1) Some people who work with AI as a profession say we're about 7 years out from it advancing past the point where we can control it. 2) A medical robot that can transform itself from solid to liquid, then back to solid, has been invented.

@PimaAnimalCare he came home Tuesday night scared to be touched, and now he can’t get enough snuggles!!!! Odin says thank you for taking care of him until we could!

I just sneezed, then said, "Oooh. Sorry." Immediately followed by, "Thank you." I sneezed, apologized, then thanked myself. How's your day going?

Who decided fajitas should arrive at your table while they’re still actively cooking?

I was today years old when I learned that cow tipping is not a real thing.

I’d like to meet the person at a mucinex who woke up one morning and thought, “You know what’s missing in the cough syrup aisle? Blue raspberry flavor.”

Bill & Ted quotes

Someone pretending to be Keanu Reeves messaged me and invited me to a private Google chat. I created an account called “Neo’s Chosen” and have spoken almost exclusively in quotes from various movies Keanu has starred in. This is what happened.

Using more “Matrix” quotes.

Using more “Matrix” quotes.

Using “Matrix” quotes.