Nader Vaziri

Pretzels are delicious no matter if they’re flaccid or erect.

The movie took place in a computer, why didn’t they call it Cyber Space Jam?

Do cats have to turn on night vision when the lights go out or is it automatic like transition lenses?

Is shopping for a used car considered thrifting?

@realDonaldTrump #kaga #maga #covid

Every white girl I went to high school who has a kid is now involved in a pyramid scam.

This morning I text @1800CONTACTS to charge my insurance for an order of new lenses while I was pooping. The future is cool. #multitasking

As I get older I’m starting to like Porsche’s more. Does this mean I’m about to hit my mid life crisis?

It’s a good day to be alive, what you think David Koch?

Grow your beard til it gets big n’ puffy. A month or so later shave it real short so it looks like you lost 10lbs #weightlosstransformation #lifehack

The security guard in my parking structure at work said “have a good one” and I said “good man”. I can never park here again.

It’s weird to me that people still wear @TOMS

Wreck it Ralph is just digital toy story

How many different types of beans did they pour boiling hot water on before finally landing on coffee beans?

God damn Elizabeth Warren is on point here.

Crazy to think that @Nas is the greatest rapper of all time and his son @LilNasX is the greatest country singer of all time #Legacy #iconic #OldTownRoad

Crazy to think that #Michaeljordan is the greatest basketball player of all time and his son @michaelb4jordan is the greatest boxer of all time #Legacy #iconic

Work from home while working from the office while never wearing pants while also taking a dump #humanuber

Are they just called Shepard’s in Germany?

My targeted ads have been extra spot on lately... and I really hate that they’re working so well.