Norm Macdonald’s Pastor

This is what I voted for!

@TITMONSTER5 What if my team loses

Never kill yourself

@HwsEleutheroi You act in person the same way you act online?

I have discovered something that has startled me, but, it shouldn’t have. Over the years when I meet people, especially now as I travel with our RV and speak in smaller churches, they comment on how I am, in person, the same person I am on the Dividing Line, or in debates, or in sermons, etc. WYSIWYG (anyone remember that one?). And really, it should always be that way. But cult leaders are different, obviously. They have the outward looking, attractive shtick, and then they are something completely different “inside” the cult, in the inner circle. They have the calm, pious, even “biblical” look when seeking to attract converts, but then they will throw red meat to the most voracious of their followers in other contexts. As you may know, I am preparing for the debate a week from Thursday with Stone Choir Cult Leader Corey Mahler. So I have been enduring SC podcast episodes. Here you have the calm, pious demeanor. They will say all sorts of inarguably true things (normally only tangentially related to what they are trying to get you to believe). This is common. You see it in the Mormon General Conference talks, or in the talks given at the District Conventions of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Mix in just a few authoritative claims, almost in passing, to get the hooks in, while sounding pious and godly all along. Nothing wild and crazy. But then I have been reading hundreds and hundreds of the public statements from Mahler and Dumperth (“Woe”) and it is like you are dealing with MPD, it truly is. The level of hypocrisy is beyond measure. So in the episode I listened today Dumperth was talking about taking care of your family and not denying the faith and all this pious stuff. And then I go online and read statements from him that are simply demonic (and I won’t repeat them here, you may have seen them, including one about beheading). But here is one from Dumperth that was literally written within the past couple of hours as he leads his minions to attack an opponent of their cult. The double-mindedness is truly amazing, and a sobering reminder that false teachers always talk a good talk, at least to those who are outside. By the way, keep this in mind next week during the debate as well. I am sure the calm, sober-minded Mahler will be on display. Just remember all the wild-eyed evil you’ve seen him spouting on line and ask yourself the question, why the hypocrisy?

@TITMONSTER5 It’s pastor, not father.

@NormsPastor Father, Missed you during my break. Hope all is well. Best, DD

Soy retarded

@TimAllen Start here

@NormsPastor Which book would you recommend to tell me that information? Also this tweet is over a week old, don’t let my old tweets determine your emotions please

There’s been 3 plane crashes in a week and the most incompetent person at their job is still Mark Cuban

@dr_owenanderson @HwsEleutheroi Well start with cleaning up the kenoticism

@HwsEleutheroi You could do theologically what is being done to USAID. Clean up the county’s theology 😂

As a First Amendment scholar I love the idea of this office. However, they chose the wrong White. @HwsEleutheroi do you mind if we correct the mistake and get you in there?

Supposed to get a massive snow storm tonight. I can’t wait to have a minority deliver me fast food in the midst of it!

@sdesocio I am a pastor to the closeted homosexual whether they are PCA or not

If you say you’re a PCA officer in your bio but are too afraid to share your name on twitter. My presumptions are: 1 you’re lying and not an officer 2 maybe not even in the PCA 3 you are an officer but a coward who shouldn’t be in your position.

@_matthewpearson That definitely is not my alt

“There’s a LOT going on here.”

@DelaKram75 Qualification for being a pastor: Audrey’s approval

@nikthestorm Quit cappin. JD visited my church a couple weeks back and heard me preach on it.

I actually texted JD about the ordo amoris That's how he knew

@Brian_Sauve I’m right here Mr Sauve. Jk I’m not anon.

I'm convinced that J.D. Vance has an alt and reads our tweets and there's nothing you can do to convince me otherwise.

@MalcangiSarah Would you be okay with his statement if he meant specifically your favorite religion?

We don’t need religion, we need Jesus Christ!

@Brian_Sauve Will you write the n-word in mine?

Reminder: We'll be signing all Haunted Cosmos books ordered through the end of the month—again, because we are dumb and love carpal tunnel syndrome. Three days left!

@TimAllen @coookwithchris I remember when I lead your fathers youth group retreat back in '81. I could kick his ass then and I'd kick yours today.

@NormsPastor @coookwithchris I remember when I was in highschool

What is the best purchase you've made for your health?

@TimAllen @coookwithchris I’m just a good old white boy tryna survive. How can you hate?

@NormsPastor @coookwithchris Pussies smoke American Spirits #marlbororedgang