Joe Horton

Oh, no! Dad’s been drugged. - No, he hasn’t.

Tony- “Uncle June’s in the muff!” Junior- “What?!” Tony- “Oh sorry, did I say muff? I meant rough!”

Piers Morgan's response on why his interview was trash and his questions were meaningless

"Hot stuff, coming through!"

Guy comes home with flowers. "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now," his wife says. "Why?", he asks, "don't ya have a vase?"–Uncle Junior

Homer Simpson! You stand accused of eating half the population of the Planet of the Doughnuts.

Almost 29 years ago, Sergeant Al Powell helped save dozens of lives after being sent to investigate a prank call at Nakatomi Plaza. As we do every year, we honour his bravery by showing the documentary Die Hard, this Sunday at 10pm

"If somebody's in here, you're in for some serious ass forkin'."

DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING: Donald Trump is set to come to Britain on *26th/27th February*. Let's make this the biggest demonstration in British history. Sign up here NOW: facebook.com/events/1443407…

"You should not drink to forget your problems." "Yeah, you should always drink to enhance your social skills."

“Hmm. How can anyone make a word out of these lousy letters?"

Like how they based Henry Cavills face on Stan Smith after the moustache removal

“You want to pick on immigrants? Then pick on Willie!” “Willie, please, the children want to pick on someone their own size.”

"Only who can prevent forest fires? You pressed you, referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is, you."

Sergio's first home demo of You're In Love With A Psycho recorded on his phone during the making of FCOL. Full 4:14 version on our Facebook page x

"Can't make a float without flowers." "True enough. But did you have to salt the earth so nothing would ever grow again?"

"The engine room has sprung a leak! It's filling up with a clear, non-alcoholic liquid!"

"Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever...thy will be done."