Queen Bethany, Legally Mom

@TheBabylonBee The day I met my husband, we talked about his passion for local evangelism. He used to ask questions and talk about Jesus to college students on a "Christian" campus in Oregon, and set up local evangelism events every two weeks You better believe I gave him my number 😂😂😂

A thread exposing all of Andrew Tate's rape accusations & well documented modus operandi of brutally strangling his alleged victims for over a decade... WARNING DISTURBING CONTENT🧵 👇

Ah yes, we all know the REAL danger to Britain is the 14 y.o. boys...

Amazing how they have all this tech to stop people fighting in the streets but suddenly the drones don't work around rape gangs

@RyanP1969 @WallStreetMav @heyjustpray Nah they'll just take out a 700th mortgage Anyway, they don't need a second job. They need a first job, a real one

@NotBlindfolded @WallStreetMav @heyjustpray Can they just get a second job?

"You are spending $7.5 trillion?" Congress: "Yes Dave" "And you only have $5.5 trillion in revenue?" Congress: "That's correct Dave" "And you have $39.5 trillion in debt and 42% of all income tax revenue goes to paying interest?" Congress: "That's correct Dave"

@TheBabylonBee Probably because he needed to track a deer through his yard

When Candace noticed Christina Punshaw liking tweets that were disparaging to her, Candace was the victim When Jeremy Boreing noticed Candace liking tweets that were disparaging to his company, Candace was also the victim Candace is always the victim

@nosoup4knowles Stop 🤣🤣🤣 Also so accurate. Michael is such a genuinely nice guy

Candace Owens tells Michael Knowles in 2023 that she doesn't think he'd recognize a demon possessed person if he met one because Michael always sees the good in everyone. Guys 😂😂😂

Always warn your bodyguard before you try to surreptitiously pass him your phone. Dude missed that by a mile.

@Peteypabs160 @sjryanwriter @jarvis_best "haha all their mythical gods are named after stupid planets!"

@sjryanwriter @jarvis_best “Isn’t it ironic Achilles got shot in his Achilles’ Heel?”

I sprained my finger smashing the follow back button so fast

RT @MattsIdeaShop: they just arrested my lesbian aunt

@nosoup4knowles Ben is passionate about... WHEN he believes?? 🤔🤔🤔 Is this a Jewish thing, Miss Britta? 😜

I stand by this statement

@RyanP1969 @_abbeydear No I have ice powers like Elsa. My fingers and toes are always cold. I'm immune.

@NotBlindfolded @_abbeydear you mean this did not happen?

To everyone else in America: So sorry about the fires. My husband took off his shirt and started flexing, and because he's so hot, he set the forest on fire in a 10 mile radius

Uhhhhhhh @BurtsBeesBaby what the gay is this "matching family pajamas" photo???

@nosoup4knowles Add "virgin" and I'm pretty sure the AI would just explode your phone I very generously gave my broader standards for when I met my husband, all of which he met, and it STILL insisted he's a unicorn, 0.016%

I described my husband & got this result

A 92-year-old North Carolina man got so bored 2 months into retirement that he applied to work at Chick-fil-A... ...his smile, kindness, and passion for Jesus became so contagious that when he got sick and missed 3 days of work, an ENTIRE TOWN began asking where he was. His name is Gilbert Martin. Everybody calls him "Mr. Gil." Mr. Gil is 92 years old, and works at the Chick-fil-A on Oleander Drive in Wilmington, NC. He spent decades working in the natural gas industry and when he retired, he greeted people at Sam's Club for 12 MORE years, until they eliminated his position. Most people would call that a sign to finally rest, but not Mr. Gil! Two months into retirement, he got bored... so he walked into Chick-fil-A and put in an application. He was 86 years old at the time. He's been there ever since. Not one or two shifts a week either. Monday through Friday. He says the full schedule gives him more chances to be there for people who need him. His official job is dining host. Clean tables. Clean floors. But Mr Gil doesn't see it that way... as he describes it, his real job is: "I get a lot of people that are coming in, just been to the doctor, and got bad news... I'm able to be an encourager; the Lord gave me that." A 92-year-old man who could be resting at home... chooses to stand in a dining room five days a week... so strangers on the worst day of their lives don't have to be alone. And Wilmington noticed. When Mr. Gil caught a cold and missed a couple of days, the owner said he was FLOODED with HUNDREDS of customers who were panicked about him. Mr. Gil has zero plans to retire. He says if you ever see him working, come say hi. "I don't know what 92 is supposed to feel like, but I feel great. Serving others has always brought me joy because I believe that a smile and a kind word can make someone's day a little brighter.” We need more of this in the world!!!!

When the baby falls asleep 1.5 hours after she woke you up

@lysscordova @_abbeydear Psh, definitely all Jewish bots

Wow, y’all are awesome!