Not Terri Traen

@WebbH62 you can't fire a parody account, but I'm going to hang em up anyway.

Well, I'm just surprised I didn't get fired too.

“@stpaulrockcity: Today was my last day on the KQ Morning Show. Totally surreal. Sad face.” 😭😭😭

The full moon is a harbinger of weather change. Not because it has a gravitational pull on the earth's oceans, but because of black magic.

What was Hilary's email address anyway? HilRod@gmail.com? SecOState@hotmail.com? FrigidBitch@yahoo.com? MonicaLewinskyisaslut@aol.com?

Just because I'm always wrong doesn't mean that I'm ways wrong.

Tom talks to Dan Marino and doesn't even get an interview I can take credit for booking. What the heck.

Animals are so smart

My dog is so smart, he's been laundering money from the orchard for years now and we just found out.

I wonder if I had a sauna if it would help me sweat out all the booze I have on the weekends.

@bobsansevere thank you, no one has ever called me brilliant before

I think Philly is getting tired of all the crap we're talking about liberals today. Maybe when the President is white again he won't care.

It was weird when I got in today Dave let me in and was really nice but my studio smelled like smoke.

I get that they wanted me to do the on location promo, but why did I have to turn in my keys to the station before I went?

Maybe we could do a huge office pool, @stpaulrockcity? Tom could buy like 1000 tickets, and if one of them wins, we all get to split it.

"I wish the lottery just had like 11 one million dollar winners in each state"

“@stpaulrockcity: “@TIME: You've got two hours left to buy a Powerball lottery ticket ti.me/1zwOQRa” @NotTerriTraen” I bought 17

Don't forget to spay and neuter your pets and buy lots of apples

Woohoo Friday! Let's get drunk and go buy some apples!

Say Hey, Hank Aaron. #happybirthdaytotheyankeeclipper