OG

Check out this “studio” apartment available for rent at ₦3 million per annum.🤣 📍Yaba, Lagos 🇳🇬

This generation of secondary school students are so lucky… imagine if we had ChatGPT in our time 😂

Any guesses on what this journal entry is supposed to be for?

I think the real question is: Can you afford to experience 24hours light for 1 week?

Last night Laid out my clothes for tomorrow Cargo shorts I stared at all seven pairs in the closet They're identical I picked the third one Gut feeling Also laid out a mask My wife has COVID Can't be too careful My analyst texted at 10:14pm I said "tomorrow is important" He said "trust me I know. Get some rest boss man" First time he's ever told me to do anything Something about the way he said it felt off But I was tired So I let it go Friday 3:47pm Therapy Cargo shorts All six pockets loaded Pocket one had my talking points Pocket two had the clean version of my wife's list that my analyst reformatted this morning because I can't read anything with inconsistent punctuation Pocket three had a printed copy of the home warranty redline for reference Pocket five had a granola bar You never know how long these things go I was wearing the mask My analyst drove separately He was already in the parking lot when I pulled in Engine off Legal pad on the dash Third iced coffee of the day He looked at the mask He didn't say anything I said "you ready" He said "I've been preparing since Tuesday boss man" I didn't ask what that meant My wife's car was already there That was expected There were two cars next to hers That was not We walked in The therapist was seated $250 an hour I negotiated that My wife was on the left couch Stanley cup in hand She saw the mask Her face changed I assumed she was nervous about the session She was not alone Karen from HR was sitting next to her Arms folded Lanyard still on I stopped walking My analyst stopped behind me He whispered "boss man that's Karen from HR" I said "I know" Then I saw the chair in the corner My son's teacher Folder in her lap Color-coded tabs Same ones from both parent-teacher conferences I looked at my wife She said "you brought your analyst" I said "you assembled a panel" She said "I made some calls" The therapist looked at Karen Karen looked at the teacher The teacher looked at me I sat down My analyst sat behind me On the floor against the wall There were no more chairs Legal pad in his lap Pen ready Four against two I counted the therapist on her side The numbers were not in my favor But I've closed deals with worse odds The therapist said "I think we should establish some ground rules" Karen said "I brought some" She pulled out a folder Also color-coded Two folders in the room with color-coded tabs Neither of them mine I respected the organization I did not respect the ambush The therapist said "this is a safe space" I said "it was until HR showed up with a lanyard" The therapist said "can you remove the mask so we can have an open conversation" I said "my wife has COVID" The room went quiet My wife said "I don't have COVID" I said "you left a positive test in my lunchbox yesterday" She closed her eyes Karen looked at the teacher The teacher looked at the therapist The therapist looked at my wife My wife said "we'll come back to that" I took the mask off I didn't understand why everyone was acting strange But I noted it Karen said "I'm here as a friend" I said "you scheduled mandatory fun at 5pm on a Friday and trapped yourself in an escape room for 14 hours" She said "that's not relevant" I said "the door was open the entire time" The teacher said "I'm here because your wife asked me to come" I said "last time we spoke you requested I not come to meetings" She said "this is different" I said "how" She said "because this time I was invited" The therapist said "let's focus on the relationship" My wife pulled out the list Two pages Single spaced Still no consistent punctuation I pulled the reformatted version from pocket two She looked at it I said "my analyst cleaned it up this morning. Same content. Better structure." She didn't take it She started reading from hers "Line one. He negotiated the therapy rate during our first session" The therapist looked at me I said "I saved us $25 an hour. Over a six-session commitment that's $150. You're welcome." My wife continued "Line four. He visited a divorce lawyer without telling me" The therapist said "is that true" I said "it was diligence. I needed to understand the downside exposure to properly value the upside." My wife said "the upside of what" I said "you" She didn't respond to that Karen made a note I don't know what she wrote But her pen was the same one she uses for incident reports I recognized it "Line seven. He calculated the cost per sip of my wine at my own birthday dinner" I said "it was a 147% markup. That's not opinion. That's math." The therapist said "do you hear how that might feel to your wife on her birthday" I said "she ordered the bottle anyway. The ROI on that dinner was negative before the entrees arrived." My wife looked at the ceiling Some things never change "Line twelve. He crashed our son's parent-teacher conference. Twice. The second time with his analyst." The teacher sat up She said "can I add something" The therapist said "go ahead" She opened her folder Pulled out the test The multiple-choice question Fifteen gender options My son selected none of them Wrote "Not applicable" Below that: "Identified: Chromosome XY" Below that: "Source: Biology textbook, page 217" With a footnote The teacher said "he cited a source. On a multiple-choice test. In second grade." I said "I'm not seeing the issue" My wife said "he's becoming you" I said "thank you" She said "that wasn't a compliment" The therapist said "I think I'm beginning to understand the pattern" Karen said "now you see what I deal with" I said "you write policies nobody reads and enforce rules that don't make common sense. Even my five-year-old knows the door was unlocked." Karen looked at the therapist The therapist did not intervene I respected that "Line nineteen. He asked our financial advisor why he'd pay a 1% fee when he could buy VOO and do the same thing from his phone" I said "the therapist provides more value at $250 an hour. I stand by that." The therapist looked at me differently I think I just gained a vote Three against three now My analyst nodded I told him not to do that The therapist paused She said "I want to ask about communication between you two. Outside of this room. How do you express things to each other" My wife was quiet I said "she's been expressing herself through alternative channels recently" The therapist said "what does that mean" I declined to elaborate My wife looked at me I looked straight ahead We moved on The therapist asked my wife what she needs from me My wife was quiet Karen started to answer for her My wife put her hand up Karen stopped The teacher put her folder down My wife said "I need you to stop treating every part of our life like a deal that needs to close" I said nothing She said "I need you to sit in a room with me without an agenda" I said nothing She said "I need you to be in this marriage like a person. Not a CFO." The room was very quiet My analyst stopped writing First time all session Karen put her pen down The teacher closed her folder The therapist looked at me I sat there for a while I said "I don't know how to do that" The therapist said "that's the first honest thing you've said today" I said "I'm honest every day. I told a car dealership I had comps on every Tahoe sold within 50 miles. I told a home warranty company their own contract contradicts itself on page 91 and page 104. I told a realtor her brochure had three different fonts and no financials." The therapist said "those are transactions. I'm asking about your wife." I looked at her She was looking at me Not at the ceiling Not at the therapist Not at Karen Not at the teacher At me I said "I went to a divorce lawyer three weeks ago" Karen's eyebrows went up The teacher looked at my wife My wife said "I know. You told me. Asset protection." I said "I went because I needed to know what it would cost to lose you. So I could understand what it means to keep you. The retainer was $15,000. I didn't sign. Because the model couldn't capture what I'd actually be losing." The therapist was quiet My wife was quiet Karen was writing something I said "I don't know how to be in a room without an agenda. But I know I want to be in every room you're in. Even the ones I'm not invited to. That's why I keep showing up." My wife looked at me Then she said "that's why I keep letting you in" The therapist teared up Karen teared up The teacher teared up My analyst did not tear up He was taking notes I did not tear up either But I made a note The therapist said "I think that's a good place to stop" My wife said "there's one more thing" The room was still She reached into her purse Not the list Something else She placed it on the table I looked at it Two lines Positive I said "I already saw this. You put it in my lunchbox yesterday." She said "I know" I said "we should talk about quarantine. I can't afford to be sick before the board deck is due." Nobody spoke Karen covered her mouth The teacher looked away The therapist took her glasses off My analyst stood up He said "boss man" I said "not now" He said "boss man that's not a COVID test" I looked at it again Two lines Positive I looked at the fine print I missed yesterday I looked at my wife She wasn't looking at the ceiling She was looking at me And she was smiling I have never seen her smile in a therapist's office before The therapist said "do you understand what she's telling you" I said "yes" I did not say anything else for approximately forty-five seconds My analyst said that's the longest he's ever seen me go without speaking Including board meetings I looked at the test Then at my wife I said "unbudgeted headcount" The therapist said "excuse me?" I said "she's adding a resource to the org chart without a requisition" My wife laughed First time she's laughed in therapy I said "I'll need to update the sensitivity analysis" She said "why" I said "the model at the divorce lawyer's office only accounted for two dependents and a golden retriever. The downside just got significantly worse." She said "is that your way of saying you're happy" I didn't answer right away I said "I'm saying I didn't budget for this. But some of the best investments I've ever made were ones I didn't see coming." She looked at me I looked at her Karen was crying The teacher was crying The therapist was crying My analyst was not crying He was on page four of his notes I was not crying either But the room was blurry Must have been the mask The therapist said "now that's a good place to stop" I said "we still have seventeen minutes. I paid for the full hour." My wife stood up Grabbed her purse Grabbed the test Looked at me Said "let's go home" First time she's said that after one of these and meant it Karen stayed behind I think she's booking her own session The teacher left without saying goodbye Third time she's done that I got in the car My wife was already in the passenger seat She didn't say anything I didn't say anything I put my hand on hers I don't do that But I did Some meetings could have been an email This one couldn't $250 One hour No redline No debrief One new line item I didn't see coming Plz don't fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone

I have a rule when it comes to motherhood. A push gift is non negotiable for me. If I'm having a child for my husband he must get me a push gift, it's non negotiable. So immediately I tell you I am pregnant go and start saving immediately, you have 9 months to save. It can be a car or a house. If you dont get me a push gift I'm not having a second child for you, you can go to court and everything but I can never be f0rced" — Lady

Important context heading into this afternoon's couples therapy session My analyst compiled the relevant files below In order Formatted With consistent punctuation You're welcome Plz fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone