Pat

Clown arguments probably sound like: “Am I not a fucking joke to you?”

I’m with Emily. Y’all are fucking crazy to be defending Ms Rachel. She’s essentially turning kids into antisemites by showing them very selective history.

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Every time my wife hands me a sliver of a sliver of tiny food: “Don’t eat the whole thing tho.”

My wife thinks I just sit in a white room awaiting her instructions but it’s off-white

No matter what I’ll never forget who I am; a guy that sang terribly at a show where Miley Cyrus’s sister’s band that later broke up played and people listened to two songs then walked out of a venue that later closed for good.

I remember in Respiratory Therapy school, my friend got harassed by nursing students for smoking & he’d joke “Ha! In the future, I’ll just have robot lungs!” Anyway, that guy’s probably dead.

@JonnyBones Stop calling Jon Jones a Duck you toxic feelings attacking Tom fan boys, he’s clearly a chicken.

What was the best thing before sliced bread? The ability to slice things? Knife related timelines are confusing.

@heterodorx @ErinInTheMorn @genspect So the divorce isn’t going great eh? 😕

DID YOU KNOW? The Killarney Group, a think tank set up by Genspect, will present The Gender Care Framework at our conference in Denver, CO, Nov 4-5. The Framework lays out a non-medicalised pathway towards resolving gender distress. Info/Tickets: genspect.org/the-bigger-pic…

How come my wife’s wedding ring is thousands of dollars and mine is like seven bucks

Left my work computer running. Crap. Now everyone thinks I listen to Led Zeppelin.

@cctvidiots Frank: “So I started blasting”

What would you do?

Robert Emmett Fletcher Jr. was an American agricultural inspector who quit his job to manage fruit farms of Japanese families sent to internment camps during WW2. Upon learning about the looming relocation of Japanese farmers in his area, Fletcher grew concerned. This led to the Tsukamoto family, who owned a grape ranch in Florin near Sacramento, proposing that he take care of their farm while they were away. They offered him their home and all net profits from the crops (though Fletcher would only take half) after covering farming costs, mortgages, and taxes. Two other families, the Okamotos and Nittas, also proposed similar arrangements. Deciding to leave his inspector job, Fletcher took on the responsibility of managing all three farms. Single-handedly farming three farms meant 18-hour days and endless work. Fletcher saw his task as caretaking, so instead of living in the Tsukamotos' home, he lived in the bunkhouse meant for migrant workers. His decision did not go down well with some local white farmers, who thought their Japanese counterparts should forfeit their properties. Despite threats, Fletcher carried on, committed to his newfound responsibility. When the families returned home in the fall of 1945, their farms and homes were intact—the Tsukamotos' home had even been cleaned by Fletcher's wife Teresa—and half of the profits were waiting for them.

“Oh what a beautiful silk book marker-OH MY GOD!”

@Eve6 Can’t believe the guy that banged his best friend’s wife then treated her like crap has questionable politics. 🤔

@HillaryClinton @jrezaian @DanaPerino @jodieginsberg @almarlatour @InternewsJeanne Dear most hated woman in our time, you called for murdering a journalist.

We're in the midst of a real war on truth, facts, and reason. Assaults on the free press have to be taken seriously. Thanks @jrezaian, @DanaPerino, @jodieginsberg, @almarlatour, and @InternewsJeanne for taking on this important topic at #CGI2023.

Russell Brand exposed, Drew Barrymore gets called a scab for trying to pay her workers. Internet: These are the same.

Throw me in the briar patch & I’ll come out without a scratch on me & a lot of trauma. Why did you do that?

When you’re an alcoholic in law school it’s really hard to pass the bar

@JoeBiden Un-alive already.

Three years ago, I accepted the Democratic nomination for president. Since then, we’ve worked to grow our economy, rebuild our infrastructure, and passed some of the most significant legislation of our time. We've gotten so much done, but we still have more work to do.