Peter Brieck

When you eat ice cream too fast.

Beat the Monday blues with a free comedy show at the taproom! 6:30-8pm. Tonight's headliner is @TomPlute. 1/2 off all @MamaMimisPizza. 🍕

@JacketSleeves I'm on the edge of glory. *dances to Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga*

This is your yearly reminder that Mitch Hedberg would've been the king of twitter.

@RealHughJackman Just watched Logan! You cut up more people than 15 chainsaws duct taped to a runaway fire hose! Great work!

@WolverineMovie Logan slashed up more people than a blind epileptic Japanese steakhouse chef. Very good movie!

Combination fireworks store/gas stations are the combination Pizza Hut/Taco Bells of Tennessee #wombocombo

@IgniteServices Hilton Garden in Huntsville was great! Spotless room and pro staff. Laundry room and gym were a great bonus.Def stay again!

@jdstiffler I will now involuntarily associate my haircuts with that.

Rumor confirmed. @pepsi is Skynet.

I'm starting a gym called Ferngully The Last Gain Forest.

I think a realistic life goal for me is to die in an upscale gutter. I'm thinking historic cobble stone.

Just took pre-workout to wake up. Your move, Tuesday.

Just tucked my shirt in. Shit's about to get real.

If my career path goes the Magic Mike route, my stage name will be Tease Puff. I'll just throw cheese puffs at people.

I've been working on story stuff with @PeterBrieck. Keep yur peepers peeled. More is on the way.

I'm going to invent a watch that keeps track of how much you party and tells you if you not partying enough. It'll be called a Litbit.

Made me a reuben sandwich. Dropped it on the ground. It's ruined. Now I'm sitting in ashes, wearing rags. Weeping. Saturday night is lit!