fartzzz, pHD

I wish I could have attended Adele's wedding just to lean over to the groom and softly whisper in his ear "Dude, you're getting Adele"

@maxfine_ This is how I find out I'm not in the friend group!? 🤷

Welp. I’m officially the last guy in my friend group to still be wearing slim fit pants

@alecsapolin Que up Foo Fighters "Hero"

BREAKING: #Browns legend Bernie Kosar has filed a lawsuit against BIGPLAY LLC, claiming he was forced to place a bet during a charity event. Kosar is seeking $850K in damages.

I'm just now realizing why I got all those weird looks at the park after loudly calling my dog "The Big Fluffer"

@emilykmay Men do have someone like that and it's Olivia Rodrigo 👀

the thing about taylor swift is that she so perfectly encapsulates through her lyrics, the interior lives of women. It's why we all can't stop listening. We're all saying, "wait you felt that way? we were all feeling this way?" do men have someone like that?

@AmyImhoff1701 I think that's awesome! Don't let the haters get to you and keep doing cool shit. I've been in therapy for 4 years now and it's one of the best choices I've ever made.

I don't want to hear anything about building a wall between Mexico and the USA until we address the issue of building an air filter between us and Canada #AirQualityAlert

Miyan Williams is out here playing like a potato. Just getting jammed down Irish throats. #ohiostate #OSUvND #Buckeyes #BuckeyeNation

@MostlyRagrets No, must be never married to qualify

@TomPlute Does it count if my cool, be-catted uncle lived non-consecutive portions of his 40s unmarried?

Name me one uncle of yours that was single in his 40s, lived alone with his cat, and was cool 😎

I left my lunch on my back patio and now I can just watch it sitting there on my back door camera while I sit at my desk at work. What a beautiful time to be alive

@EveSimmns @EveSimmns You need to have that blue check taken away for spreading misinformation

Doctors out here have told me they’re seeing cases of cannabis poisoning most days - it is the most common form of any type of poisoning in adolescents in California.

Legalising pot seems like a common sense policy but in fact, it’s a public health disaster that the MJ industry is doing its darnedest to cover up. totally unwoke, I know, but facts are facts. My report from sunny (smelly) LA here mailplus.co.uk/edition/health…

This was not a good day to tweet this

You ever try on a Magnum to.. you know.. just see and it fits like you are 6 years old trying on one of your dad's shirts? #IHavent #IWouldntKnow

I think we should have cast reunions for more than just tv shows. I'd love to watch a panel discussion of the janitorial staff from the Sawmill Rd Target '94-'97. Those dudes were hilarious.

@WilliamShatner Bill, have you seen this yet? tiktok.com/t/ZTdTgG9x1/?k…

Do you ever find yourself talking to your therapist about your psychologist and suddenly realize you are pretty fucked mentally?

@KJ8604 @XboxSupport I am getting this same thing

@XboxSupport Still having problems guys. Says I must own game to launch. I'm on Xbox series x. Please continue to work on it thanks

Users should once again be able to launch games on Xbox console and through Cloud gaming. Thanks to everyone that reported this to us!

Why is there no stand-up drama? Like just a person with a mic trying to get a room full of people to cry. I think that'd be pretty fun.

I'd pay good money to see #OhioState dunk on that old #loyola nun #NCAATournament