Kira

Unpinning at 95lbs/43kg! (Not my photo)

my son is 12 years old and the only way he’s ever interacted with a book is a drag queen reading it to him

how it feels to get dressed up just to look fat as hell #edtwt

White people when the function got coleslaw

when i forget to add water to my bong i think "this is what the cavemen felt when they had to hit their bongs before water was invented"

hey the girls and I are gonna come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab later if you’re free

fui explicar pra minha mãe o conceito de não binário e ela disse que são anjos

When my psychiatrist starts throwing around words like ' substance abuse' and 'bulimia' instead of young turnt resourceful n smart with food

He's gonna break up w me, I can feel the shift. Everything was perfect until now, My pussy literally ruined a perfectly good relationship oh my god

Had sex w bf for the first time Friday. He had a panic attack. Pussy so (bad?)(good?) bf had a panic attack after fucking it ok

@daddyfishdick 9in is bs!!!! Fuh naw

do your balls hang low 💥💥 do they wobble to the flow 💥 can u tie them in a knot 💥💥💥can u tie them in a bow 🎀🎀 #DMMD #BONERALERT

@choppaslide How do u even afford ts

this is called addiction

@BeSaintly I'm amazed by ur lack of understanding of science

I’m honestly amazed at the persistence of atheists

why did we as a society stop talking about how donald trump gave bill clinton a blow job

@Adam_FaithfulM Bros never heard of biology

It's so obvious that God exists.

@Sargon_of_Akkad No actually I think men constantly raping and killing us did that

Feminism did this to women and not one person on the left will even admit it, let alone be able to address it.

@kirawontmiss No it's just science

I genuinely can’t believe how anyone can see this and still think God isn’t real

@ok6ixx This happened to me yesterday

(A really cute girl is at my till buying coffee, completely locked in on her phone, typing away 😭) Cute girl: still looking down “One Caramel Frap, small please. Thanks.” Me: “Yeah sure, coming right up!” (I make her drink, come back to the counter and place it down) Me: “Here you go, ma’am. That’ll be $4.05.” (She pays me with a $5 bill and finally looks up) She freezes. Like… proper freezes 😭 eyes wide, mouth slightly open, just staring at me I’m suddenly nervous for no reason this goes on for like 10 awkward seconds before she blinks fast like she just rebooted Cute girl: “uhh… yeah… ok… I… I… um… one sec” takes deep breath “has this ever happened to you before?” Me: “uhh… I don’t think I follow” Cute girl: “this!” she points between me and her like I’m supposed to understand Me: “I’m still lost honestly…” Cute girl: “you know… a girl sees your face and just freezes?? like fully glitches?? and it’s obvious she’s attracted??” (now the whole café starts listening 😭 people slowing down, pretending not to stare) someone literally goes “awww” I just go: “uh… not really” She suddenly snatches the $5 back from me 😭 then pulls out a $100 bill and drops it on the counter Cute girl: “ok listen. I’m gonna walk out like I forgot my change… if you follow me out to return it, it means you want my number and dinner this week. if you don’t, just put it in the tip jar.” then she just walks out like nothing happened dead silence in the café Customer behind me: “bro GO 😭😭” Coworker: “that’s literally your wife don’t mess this up” even my manager is just standing there like 🧍🏽‍♂️ “don’t be stupid” I grab her change, shake a little, and write my number on a receipt paper I go outside Me: “uhh… your change. and… my number.” She smiles. like actually smiles 😭 Cute girl: “good choice” and just walks off I go back inside and the whole café erupts 😭 clapping, screaming, someone yelling “SHE WON” my manager just goes: “free espresso shots for everybody. don’t talk to me for the next hour.”

@ZELLKLUMPEN "I like pancakes" "So you hate waffles?" Ahh tweet 😭

Mlptok when u hc any of the mane6 as black

@realchasegeiser Reptard Snowflake

I pay 1,000 dollars a month to send my daughter to catholic school to protect her from woke bullshit. I just went to her first recital where the kids are singing the theme song from the musical Rent, about how many minutes are left in a year in the context of being diagnosed with aids. What the actual fuck.