Plated Eals

@VeryBadLlama and put ";" somewhere in your password. This actually helps with data breaches!

make sure you choose a password that contains capital letters, numbers, and special symbols so that someday the data broker who purchases your info can go "ooh good password" after your login details are inevitably leaked in a data breach you can do nothing to prevent

@wasianterror Of course. Now with added touchscreen and constant beeping! The improvements you didn't know you needed in your life!

why not just make more of the same old car. imagine brand new 1992 honda accord

@octopuscaveman Harald Bluetooth William of Orange King Zog

Robert the Bruce is the funniest name in history. It’s like hi I’m Bob the Frank and this is my friend Phil the Ted.

@fesshole You absolute tea leaf.

At home, I add tea leaves directly to the water in the kettle, then after it's boiling I pour it through a wire mesh filter into a mug. I think the turbulence of boiling helps. I am reluctant to be seen doing this at work lest I be judged and passed over for promotion.

@DyeWorksPrint All I wanted was a Nice coaster.

Biscuit tea towel and a set of six coasters are now available in my shop, if you like that kind of thing

@s0urcandyslut When Guardiola goes swimming in the sea.

what the fuck is a peptide

@fesshole Send her to Coventry instead.

Wife & I can't afford to divorce so we're stuck living together. Its utter hell living under the same roof as someone you hate & who hates you. I'm seriously thinking of moving to Middlesbrough as I can afford to buy there. Never been there but surely it can't be worse than this?

@james_e_b_ So why do some Brits pronounce hello as 'ello?

Because it has an h at the beginning?

@the_brick_news For the fungis in your life!

New LEGO Botanicals Woodland Mushrooms Coming In June!

top 3 tweet of all time

@danbarker Go to the ethnic shops. They carry a lot of niche flavours.

I wish they had more niche flavours in the UK.

@luxemiaa I used to do this on Groupon. Ring the vendor, ask them how much they're getting paid for this £60 Groupon treatment, they normally get £28, so I offered £40. They always say yes.

My uber from the airport was $135. When the driver got here I asked her how much they were paying her, she said $60. I said girl cancel the ride I’ll give you $85, & did

You may have noticed a similarity between baby snacks and junky cheesy puffs. It's not accidental - these are ‘bite and dissolve’ foods. This incredible piece by @KitchenBee revelaes the truth behind these and other toddler foods but the really astounding thing is that many NHS trusts around the U.K. are actively suggesting these ultra-processed products for young children. If you have kids or feed kids I cannot recommend this piece strongly enough. open.substack.com/pub/kitchenbee…

This guy had hip surgery and some unknown complication has caused him to continuously laugh about everything... I'm sure his wife, at this, point wants to kill him. I watched it three times and I laugh harder each time.😅🤣😂 Shit...my gut hurts 😅🤣😂😂🤣🤣😅😅🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😅

@janwhyy This is normal. For instance, Nutella in Europe is less sweet and contains more nuts. American Nutella is sweeter and creamier.

The lip balm on the right with 17g written is made in India and the one on left is from UK The ingredients of these are very different UK: petrolatum, almond oil, a bit of rose oil India: petrolatum + fragrance + linalool + colour same brand, different products, and the one made in India itched and wasn’t moisturising enough a lot of “global” products are quietly different depending on where you buy them

@Guccistarboi In case you want to know what English sounds like as a foreign language - listen to this song: youtube.com/watch?v=fU-wH8…

So this how English sounded to the whole world who don’t speak English 😂 always wondered.

@Nachoville01 When do you eat them then? I like them in custard tarts.

As a spaniard I would like to deny the allegations that we eat the portuguese on Christmas

@sturgios The day they decide to reduce all tins from 400g into 350g is the day every recipe book becomes defunct.

This is the worst example of shrinkflation I have ever seen- Butter has been sold as 250g/half a pound since the dawn of time. Cooks learn to judge its weight by sight because of that Now it’s quietly reduced to 200g a packet. That’s like siphoning 20% out of a pint of beer!

@FrayneJack34043 I love to shove my love into a stove.

major flaw in the English language that so few words rhyme with "love". a million songs referencing doves or God above

FYI: It's no longer "box wine" The classy term is "cardboardeaux"