Guy Fieri

If I had to describe my current body type using a character from Animorphs, "Hork-Bajir" is pretty close.

My favorite sound? In a business setting, someone whispering "Can I talk to you for a second?"

I wonder how many creepy old men are formerly attractive young men who refuse to believe they are not as attractive.

One day later youtube suggested this video. I would be unnerved but I learned so much about mark ruffalo that makes me love him!! youtube.com/watch?v=pE1Qk9…

Mark Ruffalo is that actor your mom likes, but can't remember the name of.

when you're walking down the sidewalk & see a cat in someone's driveway

@minihahannah They're like towels. If you use them to get clean, they are always clean.

I’d share a tooth brush w just about anyone I don’t care!

Blocked by someone I follow and enjoy, for trying to add nuance? I feel like a reply would have gone a lot further than a block.

@solomongeorgio I agree with the substance of this, but I find it is more productive to discuss whether an act is racist, rather than the perpetrator. People resent being labeled 100% anything, but they can be more objective about a single one of their actions.

A little kid fell down in the grocery store, right in front of me. Parent not in sight. Starts crying and looks at me. I actually have NO IDEA what to do, no experience. I just shrugged. He stopped crying. I have no idea if this was causal.

DMV test for the elderly: I take your driver license and throw it in the grass. If you can find it in five minutes, you get to keep it.

@Pepto This ad should be required viewing for overseas visitors arriving in the US. "Here are the 5 symptoms most Americans are experiencing at any given moment. In a few hours, you will too. Please consume these chili cheese fries and then you can go."

Stomach issues? Try Pepto-Bismol. 5 symptoms. One solution.

@MarylandMudflap A girl I was in the middle of making out with, asked me to do my dolphin noise. I told her again and again that I didn't want to. Finally I gave in. The night truly ended at that point. This is an old story, but not a made up story.

Do you think 4-legged animals are envious when they see us, freely and frequently, scratching our own faces and backs with our luxuriously dextrous hands? #SucksToSuck #GoEatSomeGrassFatty

@hobo_writer @RogenSandy In my view, meditation is more about greeting thoughts and letting them go, not blocking them out entirely. We are helpless to perceive stuff sometimes, it's the clinging that gets in the way of meditation.

In yoga when you can see the very private parts of the woman in front of you through her pants , should you tell her? Maybe the person behind me can see the outline of my private parts. Dilemma.

Song. Of. The. Season. youtu.be/94nDCm4NqIA

@cher As far as I'm concerned, you've been doing press all along! Just by being you ✌

MAMMA MIA 2....”HERE WE GO AGAIN”......GETTING CLOSER & CLOSER👻👏🏻🎂 WHEN WILL I START DOING PRESS......Hhmmmm🤔

@alyankovic I know it is high altitude, but can you please play Albuquerque please please please I'll sing every word with you I promise

My date: : Stop. Please stop saying that. i can't take it anymore. It doesn't even make sense Me: mood.

A man ...driving the wrong way down a 1-way ...blasting Nickelback's "Rockstar" at high volume Top that. I CHALLENGE YOU