Rain

The guy at Co-op didn’t believe me and Danielle were 18 so I showed him the stamps I have in my purse and he went fair enough HAHAHAH, if you don’t have ID, pull your stamps out x

Picked my Dad up to come fill my tyres up with me, got there and he asked where my change was lol.. I know you gotta pay for everything these days but I at least thought air would be fuckin free wowzaroony

If anyone’s asking what I want for my birthday, I just want my electricity and council tax paid please x

If you leave a child in your car during this hot weather, please ensure a window is open so they can at least have a fag

Asking my friend who’s in a long term happy relationship what to put as my tinder bio 😊 I like Elvis 😊

I’ve been tracking my calories on myfitnesspal since I was about 16 and today I’ve finally deleted the app, FUCK OFF, I AM FREE

It doesn’t matter how old I get or how often I drink, I will still always be drunk off of one glass of wine

Parking by the beach and sitting in your car by yourself eating a McDonald’s is self care x

I don’t care about my exes and their new girlfriends looking at my Instagram stories in the slightest, but when my exes parents still view my LinkedIn profile, I win x

If I could describe my drunk self in one word, it would be a prick 🙂

Can’t believe I’ve already seen folk in their flip flops round Asda hahaha fuck it why not

My Grandad is so cute I’m sobbing 😭

I'm raising money for Help Mae's parents with her care. Click to Donate: gf.me/u/22nq6t #GoFundMe

Trynna put a sports bra on the day after training upper body isn’t for the weak

Shoutout to Linda in Morrisons who saw me getting Prosecco and chocolates for myself and then went aw alone? ID please. Hope you’ve had a shit Valentine’s x

I have a masters in chatting absolute shit when I’m drunk so if I’ve ever said anything to you after a drink just know that I probably made it up, thank you

Me

Clapped in the neck like Amanda in Saw 3 💀💀💀