Parody- Kieren Hawken -The Retro Liard

Everyone’s a critic #wateroffaducksback #Retro #RETROGAMING #nytimesbestsellingauthor Beware of Laird's Lies - The Truth About Kieren Hawken (Mirror) youtu.be/8kTd3F0s8vs via @YouTube

@tandemar A lot of fans have said that even free copies of my books generate a feeling of buyer’s remorse!

Only Kieren could expect people to pay for a "free" book. #kierenhawken

@codetapper Sadly, the largest donations came from Bentley Bear, RetroGirl, DreamCaster and Mr SJ Leicester

Amiga scene book "Bootblock Rebels" at 89% funded in a couple of days: kickstarter.com/projects/bitma… Meanwhile self-confessed "Mr Atari" #KierenHawken managed 8% funding after 10 months before throwing in the towel. @Retroliard must be spitting chips that his projects always fail!

19 years ago I proudly announced to the world my work on Steve Davis Snooker 128k when I was 7 years old. Good to see even now people remember ‘better sound’, ‘name entries’ and a ‘cheat mode to turn balls into bumper cars’. #RETROGAMING #gamedev

@RetroSimps 😢

If you buy any of these you shouldn't be allowed access to a credit card or sharp knives and have a childrens bank account that a responsible adult controls. Better still, no Internet. #retrogaming #grifter

@codetapper @tandemar @Quimper In terms of crowdfunding it’s certainly no ‘8-bit on a budget’. Which raised £17.56; sadly not even enough to cover my Grammarly subscription!

@Quimper @tandemar When the project was considering (or did approach) #KierenHawken as a (ghost?) writer, you could tell that it was a scam. They didn't give a damn about the content of the rag or the public if they were prepared to use the @RetroLiard to fill the pages. No wonder they've gone MIA!

Ten days until Christmas and we still don't have issue #2. The elves at Gaming Culture had best get their act together to deliver Issues two and three as well as the bumper Christmas Special. Perhaps they could do a seasonal Kickstarter? #gamingculture

Talks about freedom of speech, yet deletes comments…. #RETROGAMING #youtube

@BiscuitCollect1 @tandemar No. That was when I was seven years.

@tandemar Was that about the time he wrote all his games. FFS

@Google needs to sort out its AI overview. I coded Steve Davis Snooker 128k when I was 7 years old for CDS! My uncle worked at Firebird (although I helped). Among my other smash hit games were Digger Doug, Big Boxing and Soccer Supremo! #gamedev #retrogaming

@ballistikcoffee @atari Unfortunately I didn’t get to talk about my magnum opus; Steve Davis Snooker 128k. Next time I’ll explain how I created ‘better sound’, name entries and how to turn balls into bumper cars in BASIC!

TONIGHT on #ThatAtariShow! #TheLairdsLair Returns Pt 2! Feat author & #Atari historian Kieren Hawken as we discuss more mythos about @atari's unreleased consoles! + His take on #Atari50 #DLC & more! Feat #PodcastBlast & #Newsline! 7p MT! #Gaming Link: youtube.com/watch?v=izbj2A…

@codetapper I do bring in big viewing figures though.

Videos featuring gaming pariah #KierenHawken seem to have a habit of having their comments deleted. I've saved a few just in case they vanish. Yet @retroliard claims he loves feedback and comments! #retrogaming #liar youtu.be/izbj2AFfi3I

@tandemar Worrying news. Reduced income may mean Top Hat Gaming Man may have to go back to teaching…

That makes zero sense, unsurprisingly. Lady Arcade should cover the arcades. Lady Decade should cover anything from this or previous decades. i.e retro. But again, she doesn't know the real meaning of the word. She's never been the brightest bulb in the pack. #ladydecade

@codetapper @tandemar @Atari_Authority Awkward…

@tandemar @Atari_Authority The last time #KierenHawken attended #PlayExpo before being banned was when he made a complete fool of himself in front of Tim (not Tom) Follin, calling his #C64 music from LED Storm "really weird rubbish". No wonder @retroliard was banned! youtu.be/KsmOv9xwF30?t=…

Seventeen hours and counting to arrival in Blackpool for this year's Expo. Still hoping @Atari_Authority will attend so we can settle our differences.

#Throwback to when my Uncle (who worked at Firebird) and I finished 2nd in ‘Programmer of the year’. The winner that year was Jane Whittaker with the six figure selling, yet incredibly hard to find any information on, Stellar Trader. #gamedev #RETROGAMING

@tandemar I am guessing, as the comment mentions RPGs, that he means “Planescape” not “Planetscape”. Unless “Planetscape” was the 128k special edition with better sound, name entries and a cheat mode to turn the inhabitants of Sigil into bumper cars.

I wonder if he can spell hypocrite? #kierenhawken

@codetapper @shed_retro @tandemar Possible features… How the 7800 garnered 105% of the UK console market? Why you should ditch the Switch 2 for an Atari Lynx. Did the 2600jr outsell the PS1? Can you use an Atari ST as a marital aid to improve your performance in the bedroom?

@shed_retro @tandemar He wouldn't be able to help himself by saying whatever game he was looking at was shit compared to the much better Atari Lynx version!

Just when you think you've seen all the stupid there is, there's this.

@PaulMetcalfe75 @Quimper @GCulture_Mag @Christhacker I have incredibly high standards of research and proofreading as well!

@codetapper That blanket has seen some sights I can tell you…

@retroliard is getting desperate, moving into hardware reviews in books/pamphlets now! 🤣 #KierenHawken #retrogaming #hack

@codetapper @tandemar @nostalnerd Did we ever find out who the ‘sponsors’ were who came through on the last day? If I was putting four figures into a project in which the base pledge was £10 I’d expect my product/service to be front and centre in the promo material.

@tandemar @nostalnerd That entire mob were absolutely delusional if they thought the reason there wasn't a "solid retrogaming community in Norwich" was due to the lack of a vegan bar with half a dozen old arcade games in the same spot previously occupied by a failed pub. @nostalnerd #retrogrifter

@codetapper Sadly, Peter surrounded himself with people who lacked experience of running a project post-crowdfunding. If only he’d reached out to the person who ran the ‘8-bit on a budget’ which I hear was VERY successful.

#nostalnerd only posted this lie-filled "update" to his backers after pressure from several of us. He blocked my account, wanted this info detailing his failings hidden, but it's out there now for everyone to have a laugh at him and his shitty bar #Barcadia that is DEAD!

@codetapper ChatGPT is a mixed bag tbf. My coding skills were primarily shown with games by Durrell and Firebird (when i was 8 years old as everyone knows)

Even ChatGPT knows about #KierenHawken and his tattered reputation these days! @retroliard #retrogaming #hack