Robin Flavell

“Two soups”

The man who put the Caps Lock key next to the letter "A" has died. His funerAL WILL BE HELD A WEEK ON WEDNESDAY

@projecthailmary Idea: Rocky makes sequel where he has to shave Grace every day. Title: ‘Project Male Hairy’

Rocky is logging on in 30 minutes. For one hour, he’s running the account to celebrate premiere day with you! Who’s ready to chat with Rocky, the movie star? 💫 😉 #ProjectHailMary

The film-makers should do a tie-in with Gillette and call it ‘Project: Male Hairy’.

@WG_RumblePants @cric_blog ... is the correct answer.

What's one delivery that lives in your mind rent free?

@MrHarryCole Focussing on whether it’s funny or not as opposed to whether it’s appropriate or not makes you the problem.

Honestly this pearl harbour thing is such a useful test. You either think it’s funny or you’re the problem.

My top five favourite pints: 1. Airport pint. Out of office on. The first of the holiday 🍺 2. Balcony pint on holiday while Mrs Bandy gets ready. Take yer time luv 🍺 3. Hotel bar pint while you “get your bearings” 🍺 4. Sunday pint with the dog 🍺 5. Train pint or can 🍺

@GraemeBandeira First beer garden pint of the summer is always a good one

@Acyn @JamesDoorley What’s “draft-dodging shithead” in Japanese?

Reporter: Why didn't you tell allies about the war before attacking Iran? Trump: We wanted it to be a surprise. Who knows better about surprise than Japan? Why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor?

@christopherhope @GBNEWS @beverleyturner Worst tweet ever. This is it. We’re done.

NEW President Donald Trump praises @GBNEWS @beverleyturner as a "fantastic reporter". 💪

@WhiteHouse UNHINGED.

UNDEFEATED.

@tomhfh when you said "hideous concrete blob"...

I will never understand why some people think it looks anything other than awful. The only acceptable parts of this hideous concrete blob are the bits that are hidden by foliage.

@dank_ackroyd the female of the Black Country species is more Dudley than the male

Happy International Women’s Day

WAR in IRAN JonathanPie.com

@CarbonCriminal @afneil Dubai?

@afneil Well, given the readership and comment section, subscriptions would tank. Me being one of them. It would be a shame to lose the Telegraph. Any suggestions where to go?

Axel Springer aims to buy Daily Telegraph with knockout £575m bid. Would see the very English and Eurosceptic Telegraph owned by the German and very Europhile Springer. Interesting.

@JesterJum a joke by @stephencgrant

A shark can swim faster than me. I can run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon against a shark, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

I don't think you will see this clipped up by LBC because it shows Ferrari handed his arse by someone who knows what they are talking about. In this case by Sir Richard Dalton a former senior member of the British Diplomatic Service. The question and response at 3'20" is a personal favourite - Ferrari's head nearly explodes when he's told 'What a daft question?'. Enjoy.

@Impitoyable @StevenJosephR @EricIdle @ALANJARDINE i blame big farmer

@StevenJosephR @EricIdle @ALANJARDINE With one of the worst album covers ever.

This is tomorrow LA’! Don’t miss it .

Amazing absolutely genuine footage.

"Channel 4’s Dirty Business is a clarion call to nationalise the water industry." And that is the bit that terrorises government, the ostrich like refusal to deal with reality, the abused victim, Stockholm syndrome like obsession with not doing anything that might upset the bond markets, the inability to face up to the truth it's time we take the water industry back into public ownership. theguardian.com/environment/20…

@pollybirkbeck Magnolia

Got quite a response to my disdain for Everything EAAO last night. So, what are the worst films you’ve seen? Not blatently crap, but promised so much: great reviews, cast, awards, recs by mates etc but after you just thought “what a bag o shite”. Mine? Reality Bites & Bad Bunny