Lordy@SarahVaci
Portrait 72 in my series of 100 detrans women.
“My name is Sydney, I'm 23 and from Indiana, US. I started puberty when I was 9, didn't have proper sex ed yet and was horrified of my body. I developed really quickly, and around the same time started experiencing body dysmorphia and PMDD. I struggled with this up until 14, when I had been exposed to the idea of transitioning and was immediately sold on it. I thought the hormones could take it all away, so I sought out an affirming therapist who eventually gave me a letter of recommendation to a popular children's hospital in Chicago that walked me through informed consent at 17. The informed consent packet I got didn't list the side effects of testosterone usage on females as seriously as it should've, or completely at that, and I had no idea what I was getting into. But, I was already in so deep I just went with it, even going as far as getting a mastectomy because I had committed to the trans ftm bit, trying to keep up with the competitive idea online of what my identity was supposed to be. A few years into taking hormones, I developed hypothyroidism and cholesterol levels so bad I had to be put on rosuvastatin in my 20s. That's a medication normally reserved for age 50+ men. It was a medical wakeup call for me that planted the seed of doubt, eventually I saw this wasn't sustainable or worth it for me, and upon lots of reflection, I was never really a man or wanted to be one anyways, it was just a futile attempt at escape. These days I've decided to stop the hormones, embrace who I was born as, and I'm trying to make the most of it. The state of Indiana and the vital records department has denied my certified court order to amend my birth certificate to say female again, and I'm being forced to commit state sponsored fraud until further notice, but I'm not done fighting yet. I hope my story can educate others on detrans awareness, that it isn't too late to fix things, and to take mental health and family medical history seriously before looking for long-term medicalization.”